When did walking become weird?

When did walking become weird?

I like to walk and I walk often in my working class suburban neighborhood, it relaxes me and is a good source of exercise. People are constantly offering me a ride. I guess I look fat and gimpy, which explains their concern, but shouldn't people like me be walking as much as possible to become less fat and gimpy.
I see joggers looking all sweaty and limpy, looking like they are ready to collapse, I never see people offer them rides. People assume joggers want to exercise, but we walkers are walking because something is wrong with us. We don't have cars, we are homeless, we are senile and accidentally walked out of our houses and now are confused and lost, we're just plain freaks.

I remember one day I was walking down the street in Federal Way. I had just come from seeing some movie and was thinking about it and other things when this white little kid came up to me and asked me if I needed anything. He was cute and very sweet so I asked him why did he ask me that.
Aren't you homeless?

I was surprised and asked him why he thought I was homeless. He said his mother saw me walking down the street with no car and thought I was homeless and wanted to give me some money. If the mother approached me I would have probably been offended but this little kid was so cute, I told him I was definitely not homeless; I was walking down the street and that doesn't mean you are homeless because you are walking down the street.

How did we get this way? Humans walked for thousands of years, and in Europe I hear they still walk, but Americans have become a bunch of hermit crabs or turtles living in our cars and houses only venturing out of the safety of our vehicles when we have to or in a socially acceptable environment. Some people do get exercise because they drive their cars to the gym, but exercising in a gym on a treadmill is not as refreshing and healthy as walking outside.

Walking is way better for us than running. When you become a runner you produce a lot of endorphins which make you want to run more. Then one day you end up having a heart attack after running ten miles. The doctors tell your family that you had some kind of congenital heart defect that was lurking undetected until this event, they can't believe running is not healthy so they find a plausible explanation. I don't believe that. We are human beings not Caribou; we don't need to run ten miles a day. I know it looks sexy to do all that running, looking all thin, fit and sweaty, but I think we were made primarily for walking and running should be used for emergencies.

Besides when you walk a mile or two you are done, you don't have an urge to walk four miles the next day. You get some endorphins, but a normal, not addictive, amount. So though I would love to have a shiny new car that worked all the time (unlike my Ford Escort, that doesn't) I have no problem with taking public transportation and walking a lot of the time.

Here’s Brokedown Oprah’s list of do’s and don’ts or walking.

Do's
Walk in the Mall, this is considered socially acceptable and people will assume you have a car and drove there.
Do
Walk downtown or in the park, because these are considered acceptable places to walk and people will assume you have a car and are socially acceptable.
Do
Walk your dog down the street especially your pure bred dog, because people will assume you have a car and therefore are socially acceptable
Do
Jog anywhere you will be considered fit and sexy, especially with one of those three wheeled Yuppie jogging stroller thingies.
Don't
Walk down the a residential street in the Suburbs
Don't
Walk to the store even if it is a couple of blocks away
Don't
Walk down the street with a dejected or distracted look on your face because people will think you are homeless
Don’t
Walk down the street unless you have terry cloth wrist bands and head bands and running shorts, people will think you have a car and are acceptable, you are just getting some exercise
Don't
Walk down the street if you are fat because people will offer you a ride assuming you had some kind of breakdown and took to the streets, or are ready to drop dead.

Mel Gibson offers the Jewish Community a Vase

Yesterday, I introduced the Christians Gone Wild concept with Mel Gibson being one of the Wild ones. Mel Gibson actually had the nerve to think he could do a movie or mini series
about the Holocaust, being an anti-Semitic Christian Zealot raised by man who denied that Holocaust exists. Now he wants to meet with the Jewish Community-- and he so so sowwy.

Mel, you’re still drunk. At least finish Rehab and get some of that alcohol out of your system before you start wanting to meet with people.

That got me to thinking about that unfinished project. I realized that since ABC was in talks with Mel Gibson about the Holocaust mini series, why don't they pitch that project to Oprah?

Oprah, by now, has to be an expert on the Holocaust. After all she had Elie Wiesel (a Holocaust survivor) on her show and they visited the famous Buchenwald Concentration Camp.

When Oprah has a topic on her show she usually proclaims herself to be an expert on that issue by the time the hour is up.

It took her over 20 years to lose most of that excess weight she's been carrying around, but that didn’t stop her from starting her own Oprah Weight Loss Boot Camp. She was tough too.

She had a Debt Boot Camp when she found out about America's huge debt issues, realizing that having an hour show on the topic and being a billionaire means she knows all about not being able to make ends meet.

So logically it would make sense Oprah to grab the reins of that mini series.

If Oprah can't spare the time for the project, they could look for some other equally qualified candidates like Mark Burnett, Donald Trump or Hulk Hogan. If they can't find any suitable Gentiles, I guess they could actually consider a Jew, but that’s what everyone would expect, and ABC likes to think outside the box.


This got me to thinking… why are so many hard line Christians so intolerant of Jews.

I just don't get it. Some say because the Jews killed Jesus. Most people who are murdered are done so by their own people, that’s kind of lame. I think there’s another reason, more subtle, more insidious reason and I think I’ve figured it out.


Let's say that you had this friend who had a vase you really really liked. It was quite exquisite, and very unique-- a one of a kind-- and you really wanted one for yourself. You looked and looked for a similar vase but were unsuccessful. Your desire increased to the point that you decided to steal your friend's vase. So you stole it and redecorated it with some doodads and bangles, tried to change the color; it was still beautiful, maybe even more beautiful but the important thing was that it was not exactly like your friends vase.

Your friend tells you someone stole his vase shortly after you visited him. You look all surprised and outraged. You vow to help him figure out who stole it. A few days later your friend comes over to your house and notices your new vase. It is shaped just like his vase and he comments on that, but you explained that you admired his vase so much that you decided to buy one similar. It is not a one of a kind, and you admit it is not quite as good as your friends, but you like it very much. Your friend agrees that it is not as good as his, since the creator of his vase had chosen it specifically for him. You start to feel dizzy and a little faint; you feel the blood rushing to your head. How dare he say that your vase is not as good as his vase, who does he think he is, you only said it wasn’t to keep him from being suspicious, but he really meant it.

Your friend drops the subject and never says anything else about the vase but he keeps eyeing it suspiciously every time he visits. You think your friend suspects that you took his vase. You get really mad, even though you did take his vase, because your friend doesn't know that, and you don't appreciate being suspected like that. What really makes you mad is that he doesn't say anything about it anymore. That makes it way worse-- if he just voiced his suspicion then you can have it out, pointing out that your vase is way better than his anyway and maybe smacking that smug look off his face really hard. But he doesn't say anything, except he thinks it’s a nice vase.

So your resentment grows until you go into a rage every time you see that damned friend. He thinks he is so superior and you can see him laughing at you on the inside, because he knows the creator of the vase gave him the precious one of a kind vase and you have to resort to stealing it and masking the vase from its original beauty. You get to the point that you can’t stand the sight of him.

Most Christians are perfectly happy with Jews not believing Jesus is the Son of God, but then you have your Hitlers, Gibsons, your skinheads, your Falwells and others of that ilk who cannot sleep at night thinking about that damned vases.

Christians Gone Wild

Christians Gone Wild
"Real" Christians like to portray themselves as a pious bunch-- but that's just an image, real people are infinitely more complex than images, however many super devout Christians actually believe their own hype. Which leads us to today's topic ---CHRISTIANS GONE WILD---though they aren't typically naked young white girls, they are typically drunk-- and behave in ways that would make their parents and Jesus very unproud.
CHRISTIAN GONE WILD #1
Mel Gibson
Poor Mel, the press has pounced on him like a bunch of Buzzards coming off an incredibly healthy animal season. Its been a while, Michael Jackson and Hugh Grant have sort of been behaving themselves, Angelina and Brad finally fessed up to their affair, so the press has been chomping at the bit. Well now they've got something and Mel says "You're Welcome”. I believe Mel Gibson once said that his wife is going to hell because she doesn't go to church everyday or doesn't go to confession or was guilty of some other minor Catholic transgression. I said to myself then this man is crazy, condemning his own wife to hell. Then he made that Christ Crucifixion movie with the characters speaking authentic biblical languages, he didn't trust us enough to use our imaginations he gave us the real thing. I didn't see it but I heard it was pretty graphic.
I had always thought Mel was kind of sexy and interesting, I had no idea he was also a nut; but I said to myself everybody's got their beliefs and to each his own. Then I found out about his arrest and his subsequent anti Jewish remarks, though I don't quite see the connection between the two.

HE'S GONE WILD......I also found out from the buzzards that he was in the process of making a movie about the Holocaust with some TV network......HE'S WAY WILD NOW.
I am trying to imagine what kind of movie that would be.
I'm thinking, hmmmm....... it will focus on the Concentration Camp guards. Their lives were so hard trying to figure out inventive ways to get rid of all those Jews, and they finally succeed in getting them down to a manageable number and then, bam here comes another trainload, day in and day out Jews, Jews, Jews. Then this poor guard would take his frustration home to his poor wife and children, of course he didn't mean it but he had no outlet for his frustration. Of course our hero would only speak German and the Jewish prisoners would only speak Yiddish cause Mel likes authenticity.
It never occurred to him that maybe a Christian fanatic is not the right person to make a movie about the Holocaust. Schindler's List is pretty good; does Mel think he actually has something more to say about the Holocaust than Steven Spielberg? Apparently he does, or did; and so did the network that was going to make the movie. You can't blame them though, they only care about money (see yesterday's topic about Corporate America), but Mel Gibson makes even the most deranged institutionalized criminally insane inmate go, what the f---?


CHRISTIANS GONE WILD #2
Those Rwandan Nuns.
We all know about Rwanda and that little Holocaust there, but I bet most of you didn't know about these two Rwandan( Hutu) Catholic Nuns who were charged by the Belgian government with genocide for helping the Hutus kill the Tutsis. These were Nuns, not people who thought they may be Christians or some wacky Cult followers, these were women who actually went through the Nunnery process, who took vows of celibacy and poverty, who, one would assume, had some kind of Nun training. In other words these were women who did more than just put on a Nun's costume and say look, We're Nuns. Their legal defense was paid for by the Catholic Church, these were genuine honest to God (no pun intended) Nuns. They didn't declare neutrality or try to shelter those poor people during this conflict. They actually helped the Hutus find the Tutsis and kill them, they went out of their way to help those people get tortured and murdered. There was one Tutsi girl, who they knew personally, who begged them to let her wear the novice cap, because the murdering Hutus still respected the Nuns, but these heartless Nuns said, no and the girl was murdered. Oh, did I mention these were Nuns? NUNS GONE WILD. They're about as WILD as you can get. Those poor people would have been better off hiding in German Concentration Camps or the houses of the Ku Klux Klan members than to put their fate in the hands of those Nuns. More about those Heffas coming soon.



CHRISTIAN GONE WILD #3
"Vintage"
Pope Alexander VI (Father of Lucretia Borgia and her siblings) 1400's
Excerpted from
www.wikipedia.org:
"He was reputed to have committed his first murder at the age of twelve...."
"Like many other of the day, his morals were infamous, his two dominant passions being greed of gold and love of women, and he was devoted to the ten known children his mistresses bore him..... "
"Violent and revengeful, he now became the most powerful man in Rome, and even his father quailed before him. As he needed funds to carry out his various schemes, Alexander VI began a series of confiscations, of which one of the victims was his own secretary, in order to enrich him. The process was a simple one: any cardinal, nobleman or official who was known to be rich would be accused of some offence; imprisonment and perhaps murder followed at once, and then the confiscation of his property. The disorganization of the Curia was appalling, the sale of offices became a veritable scandal, the least opposition to the Borgia was punished with death, and even in that corrupt age the state of things shocked public opinion....".
Sounds to me like--POPES GONE WILD--- however all Popes in those days were a little wild.
If they had a top ten list of the most corrupt and ruthless humans who ever lived, Pope Alexander VI would have to be up in there somewhere. And don't get me started on those kids.

Call for Submission
If you know of any Christians that have GONE WILD, please write it up and send it to me. Please hurry I may be in trouble for using the GONE WILD terminology.
carbramax@yahoo.com
Your submission may be included in CHRISTIAN GONE WILD II, III, IV etc.

I'm gonna wash that Hilton Skank right out of my hair

Speaking of Corporate America, I saw a great documentary called, The Corporation, it totally lacks humor, and it is rather a somber little thing, but it is so interesting. I was especially struck by the concept of branding and the psychological conditioning Corporate America uses on us to get us to buy a bunch of useless crap. We are so brainwashed in to being super consumers that we aren't even aware of it; primarily because the conditioning itself causes our problems, then Corporate America just invent another product to take care of that new problem that they caused.

You might say that's the Free Enterprise system-- nothing wrong with that it-- beats living in some hut and wrestling crocodiles for a pail of poopy water. But just because something is good doesn't mean you have love it-- to death. Oxygen is good for you, but just because you have a lot of money and think somehow you deserve to have more oxygen than other people (especially other people who don't have a lot of money) doesn’t mean you should start pumping all the pure oxygen you can into your house-- hoarding it all—because you will probably blow yourself up.

Anyway I started a new assignment at work and my trainer was telling me about a Deli down the street that made these delicious huge sandwiches indicating with her hand about a 5 inch wall of meat and she was just going on and on and I was thinking, she's fat and I'm fat, is buying a sandwich with a mountain of meat a good thing for either of us? But that's us, we want our money's worth and we want as much as we can get. We can’t become millionaires but we buy a gigantic sandwich. I'm sure if my coworker thought about it, it would seem ridiculous to eat a sandwich the size of her head when her stomach is the size of her fist. Every time she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror she is probably disgusted and vows to do something about it-- but before those thoughts have a nanosecond to roll around her head, there's Corporate America to the rescue, selling her some pills that cost $153 because she's in dire straits, telling her its not her fault its Cortisol's fault. There's nothing in our bodies that doesn't belong there or is detrimental to our health in our natural healthy states, Coritsol has a vital purpose to our survival but Corporate America has convinced us it’s our enemy. “If it weren’t for that damned Cortisol, I hate Cortisol, let's start an anti Cortisol task force, Cortisol is so mean, especially to women, wah wah wah”… so Corporate America convinces us that it’s not that gigantic sandwich we’re eating or the fact that our 50 foot walk to our cars is our exercise for the day, no, its that damned Cortisol.

Then her doctor tells her to lower her Cholesterol to save her heart from all that abuse of carrying around all that fat, along comes ZOCOR, LIPITOR and all kinds of drugs ending in –OR to the rescue. I have never seen one commercial saying that cholesterol is a necessary substance in our body, because there’s no money in that, Cholesterol bad. It, like Cortisol, is some nasty substance lurking in our bodies waiting for the right moment to kill us. That’s why we need the –ORs to save us and our poor little defenseless hearts. Cholesterol and Cortosol, Thank God for inventing Corporate America, because He was sleeping on the job when He let those two enemies sneak into our bodies, besides God is very busy He can’t keep track of everything.

Which brings me to that Hilton girl.

She has millions of fans. Why? What has she ever done to entice anyone on this or any Parallel Universe
to pay any attention to her. The hardest thing she ever did in her entire life was push her way through her mother’s birth canal. I am assuming of course that Kathy did not have a Caesarian Section, because that would have meant she didn’t even have to work at being born. Of course if she did have a C Section, I can imagine her obstetrician pulling her out of her mother’s belly and accidentally poking his thumb in that soft spot on baby's heads; or if she were delivered vaginally squeezing thoses tongs just a little too hard--- that would explain a lot. Anyway regardless of all that she’s here and there's no going back to the good old no Paris Hilton days. This brings me back to my original point-- why is she so popular?

Well she’s' blonde. Oh, you’re not blonde, so so sorry. Take this box of "Make Me Blonde like Paris" hair dye and you can look like her and share some of the mystique.

Well she's skinny, You aren't skinny, hmmmm, join this Health Club that’s open 24 hours a day ( which is sort of ironic since you never go) and sign up for the Make Me Hot Like Paris training package, and oh and don’t forget these Make Me Skinny Like Paris pills. Only $153 and they will dispose of all that nasty Cortisol.

She's rich. And you aren’t-- too bad, you can sign up for a Reality Show and act really stupid and really crazy, which will make you a semi celebrity and eventually you will get rich. Wouldn't that be more satisfying than just popping out of someone's vagina? You could also consider changing your name to Marriott, Ramada or Sheraton and pretending you're an heir. Who's to say you weren't switched at birth?

You don't look like Paris, what a shame! There's this Plastic Surgeon to the Stars. You can order the Paris Hilton Special. Feeling better now? Good.

She's stupid and unengaging. Uh oh, Americans don’t like smart and interesting people like you, but we have the solution for you. Watch this Reality show called The Simple Life, you can learn how to be a simpleton, it says it right there in the title, plus you get to spend hour after hour looking at Paris, getting down her moves and her skills.

You think I'm exaggerating? Then take a look at the most extreme example, Michael Jackson. Its pretty bad when white people make fun of you for being an Uncle Tom. He would give what's left of his nose to look like Paris. He wrote songs that will be classics for years to come and have become part of the pop culture, but he doesn't care about that he just wants to be a white woman and if you are going to be a white woman they you may as well go for the gusto and be Paris.

Will we ever reach the end of this Disney Land Ride from Hell? Will we ever be blonde enough, rich enough, skinny enough, notorious enough, and dumb enough? Will we ever get enough of Paris Hilton? How far will Corporate American go before they turn us into Children of the Corn, dreaming about being on stupid Reality Shows, taking shopping Carts full of medications, getting Botox, skin whiteneners, teeth whiteners, face changing plastic surgery, gigantic houses, ginormous SUVs and Hummers.

Hey you Hummer Drivers, Corporate America forgot to tell you that we are going to run out of oil in about 5-10 years.

Running out of oil? She's crazy. Pssst…. here take this corn, (I mean, E85) and put half gas and half corn, (I mean E85) in your tank and you are good to go...….over to Taco Bell.... and when you start busting out of your clothes--------here take this pill, its new, its $300 and guaranteed to get rid of every molecule of Cortisol in your body......Paris is releasing a new album next week--- feeling better already, aren’t you..................