Bimbos and Racists

Well, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton went out on the town a few days ago.

What an odd couple?

Just when I thought that these two women have nothing worthwhile to offer humanity I have realized that I was wrong that in fact they do. Teachers throughout America can use them as learning tools for Math.

Here's an example (feel free to use this, copyright free).

You have two empty headed blonde bimbos with a tiny IQ and no talent who have somehow managed to become famous. They are both big zeros, solve the following problem.

Britney=0
Paris=0

Therefore

0+0=0
and
0-0=0
and
0/0=0
and
2(0's)=0

________________________________________________
Michael Richards one of the stars of Seinfeld said the N-word along with some really racist remarks, in public, on tape at a comedy club. There was a lot of hoopla and he can forget about any kind of career.

But I kept waiting to hear from Jesse Jackson. Usually when someone is accused of offending black people he usually has a news conference demanding the offender provide jobs for blacks.

Then I saw Gloria Allred ( of the Jesse Jackson opportunistic, publicity seeking ilk) saying that her clients, the offendees, were suing Mr. Richards. Can you sue people for calling you a name? If that's the case everybody in America could sue somebody, our whole economy would go broke.

I think a better idea would have Mr. Richards go to South Central LA and clean the streets with the stick and a hefty bag for 6 months. He would have a lot of material for his new stand up act, and the streets would like nice. Of course Mr. Richards would hear the N word all day long and wonder why it is ok for blacks to say it and not whites, but eventually someone would explain it to him.

Our economy would remain intact and I may even consider looking at Seinfeld again.

Say Wha???

Part 1

I hate the Delilah show. I like the radio station Warm 106.9 but when she starts that gooey ooey touchey feeley talk it makes me ill, so I immediately turn the channel. I made the unfortunate decision to move to Atlanta a few years ago and I even heard Delilah there. I thought we in Seattle only had to suffer through her sugary sweet nonsense. I am not against touchey feeley talk its just she’s goes way over the top with her schtick and her guests are imbeciles. Below is an example of her show with a typical guest.

Enjoy.

Delilah
Hello you are on the Delilah show and to whom am I speaking?

Brittnee Kayylah
Brittnee Kayylah, Delilah, and I have this wonderful guy I want to talk about.

Delilah
Tell us about your fella

Brittnee Kayylah
Well he is just wonderful Delilah, where do I start. Well first of all I was a single mom I have four children and he is their step dad. I call them my rainbow tribe. There's a black one, a Hispanic one, an Asian one and my oldest I had when I was fourteen.

Delilah
Oh my God you were just a baby yourself.

Brittnee Kayylah
I know… I made some mistakes (crying) and it was really rough. None of the fathers really stuck around and helped me but I managed to make it through. It was really tough Delilah. I was so lonely and my kids needed a dad and then he came into my life. He's wonderful, his name is Mike and he has 2 jobs he works 16 hours a day. When he comes home he spends time with the kids, make sure they do their homework and tucks them into bed and he spends time telling me how wonderful I am, he’s so romantic, he’s always telling how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to have the kids and me in his life. Sometimes he is so tired he will fall asleep at the dinner table in the middle of eating. I tell him he shouldn't work so much and that I will get a job but he says no he doesn't want me to work, he wants me to stay home and take care of our wonderful family. He is an angel, Delilah.

Delilah
He sounds like a dream and you sound so happy and you sound like you deserve to have that kind of happiness after all you have been through. Would you like to dedicate a song to your sweetie?

Brittnee Kayylah
Yes I would Delilah, would you pick something out for us?

Say Wha??

You mean to tell me that this man adopted your rainbow tribe of 4 kids none of which are his, he works 2 jobs and lets you stay home being a mom, he makes sure they do their homework and tucks them into bed, has time to love you up and make you feel great and you are too lazy to even come up with a song for this apparent saint?

How lazy are you?

How hard is it to pick a song and explain why you picked it and want to dedicate it to him?

That's ‘s the least you could do. You could probably do a lot more but that would take too much energy and thought.

Delilah would never say that to little Brittnee Kayylah and for that reason I hate to listen to her and then on top of that she picks some gooey stupid song that’s not even appropriate to her guests' little dramas.

---

Part 2

The next celebrity who makes my blood boil is Dr Phil. This is a big nothing with nothing to say, and he's nothing to look at either. His answer to every problematic behavior is to stop doing it.

Really?

You have a Phd and that’s the best you can come up with. Gambling addiction---stop gambling, Drug addicton---stop doing drugs, Cheating on your wife--stop cheating on your wife, Morbidly Obese---stop eating so much. That's his thing-- straight talk and gettin' real. He's an idiot who needs to get on a horse and ride back to Texas and take that little troll wife with him.

What’s bizarre about the whole Dr Phil thing was how it all started.

Oprah was being sued by the Beef producers because she said she would never eat another hamburger again on her show because of some expose on the beef industry.

She was all nervous about the trial and they hired Dr Phil because he was some kind of jury consultant.

She was all shook up and nervous, he just got irritated, threw down some tough love and told her to snap out of it. It had some kind of impact on her. She invited him on her show (because whatever Oprah experiences we have to experience too) and the rest, they say, is history.

My problem with this is this scenario is that first I don't believe she has never eaten a hamburger since that show. The only way I would believe that is if they did weekly tests on her to determine if hamburger was in her system, because she didn't get to be the size from not eating cheeseburgers.

But what really struck me was when she said she was really scared of this lawsuit and trial.

Say Wha?????

She's Oprah F--ing Winfrey. Did she forget that and maybe thought she was Gayle? Why would she be afraid of some Texan beef producers suing her?

So afraid, so visibly shaken that that Dr Phil would have to knock some sense into her….

Texas Beef Lawyer
Your honor will you please tell Ms Winfrey to sit down and stop waving at the jury

Oprah
I can't help it your honor because they are waving at me because I'm Oprah F--ing Winfrey, yes this is an Armani suit, thank you for noticing.

Texas Beef Lawyer
Your Honor I object to that kind of language in this courtroom.

Judge
Sustained-- Ms. Winfrey would you please refrain from using that kind of language in this courtroom?

Oprah
Yes Your honor I apologize its just that I am Oprah F--ing Winfrey, but, I, Oprah f---ing Winfrey will refrain from saying that even though that is who I am. Is it the fact that I am fabulously rich and famous or is it the F--ing part?

Texas Beef Lawyer
Ms Winfrey did you say on your TV show that you would never eat another hamburger again, do you recall saying that?

Oprah
Yes I, Oprah Friggin Winfrey, famous talk show host, one of the richest and most famous women on the planet earth did recall saying that on my number 1 rated TV show (by the way you are all invited to be guests on my TV show after the trial)

Applause

Texas Beef Lawyer
Your honor, would you please make the defendant answer the questions yes or no?

Judge
Ms Winfrey please confine your answers to yes or no.

Oprah
I'm so sorry your honor, but I am a famous TV talk show host, and that’s what I do-- talk, do you think I would have become this fabulously rich and famous by just answering questions yes and no? Maybe you may have heard of me-- Oprah friggin Winfrey--

Texas Beef Lawyer
Your Honor??????????????

Christians Gone Wild, again.

Reverend Ted Haggert

"Haggard had resigned two days earlier as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, where he held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality, after a Denver man named Mike Jones claimed to have had drug-fueled trysts with him. "

I just don't get it.

I am trying to imagine that I am some sort of spiritual leader. Let's say some kind of pastor or priest. I'm on the pulpit talking about how gays are an abomination, how pedophiles are an abomination, how drugs are ruining our children and society, how the gays, the pedophiles and drug pushers are all going to hell.

How could I do that and have regular homosexual relations outside of my marriage and do crystal meth.

How do I reconcile that?

Would someone like that even believe in God?

Obviously not, how can he?

Let's say that Mr Evangelical Gay Hater Bigshot Pastor makes it to the end of his life without ever being discovered. He wakes up one day and realizes he is on his death bed and still doesn't confess his sins believing he got away with all of it.

He has this huge funeral with everybody crying, heads of state will attend and speak of how wonderful he was and how he steered America in the right direction and was a credit to mankind.

They dont' know he smokes Meth every week, has had his little man on man action every month for years.

He dies and he goes to Heaven.

What is he going to say to God?

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
Well Lord and Jesus, I have been your faithful servant all these years and I want to say that it is an honor to finally meet You and finally to make it to Heaven.

God's Representative
It's time to review your life.

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
Yeah, Yeah, ok, review my life. Let's see. I was a pastor of a big church with lots of members. I was their beloved spiritual leader. Oh, I also counseled George W. Bush and Karl Rove, splendid guys and very pious, by the way I haven't seen them up here, but they could be still alive. Yeah, I'm sure that's the reason.

Anyhoo, I was God's faithful servant. I taught all the sinners about the fiery end which I didn't get to experience personally, unfortunately, but I am sure it will be wonderful. Let's see Oh, I stopped gays from getting married. What a thought. Marriage is between a man and a woman why else would God set things things up that way. Those homosexuals and Sodomites were really trying to ruin the fabric of the greatest country on Earth, probably the Universe, but the Universe is pretty big so I'm just going to say Earth.

I fought against drugs too. I really helped steer the young people away from that Meth, a horrible drug, a scourge on mankind especially white people which I believe are still God's favorite. Let's see I was a loving husband and father, paid my taxes and was kind to animals....

God's Representative
What about your homosexual relations and your Crystal Meth use?


Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
What are you talking about? I didn't do those things.

God's representative
You can fool humans, they evolved from apes, don't shake your head they did.

I am God's representative and you are a human I have been alive forever and you for 70 years trust me, humans, including you, evolved from Apes.

They also only use about 2% of their brains and they are easily fooled. I am God's Representative, you think I don't know about your homosexual relations and drug use?

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
No no no I had a massage from that guy. It was just a massage. Ok I get it. It looked like we were having sex but it was just a massage. And I bought some meth but I threw it out. By the way you weren't watching me when I having relations with my wife because that 's kind of embarrassing.

God's Representative
I have watched you with your wife and that man you have sex with every month.

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
That simply is not true, I am not gay. And why do you watch us have sex, its really inappropriate and embarrassing.

God's Representative
I have to watch everything you do otherwise I would not be able to review your life. I also wouldn't be able to answer any prayers if I couldn't watch you all the time.

You sir are lying to me and in essence lying to God.

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
Let's say hypothetically I did have relations with a man and smoked some meth, what would happen to someone who would do something like that, hypothetically?

God's Representative
You would have to go to hell.

Adulterous, Gay Hating, Homosexual, Meth Addicted Pastor
But I was God's faithful servant, I have dedicated my life to God and Jesus, how can you send me to hell if I hypothetically were to have done something like that? By the way where is Jesus? I know Jesus would believe me.

God's representative
You actually believe that you can spend year after year having homosexual relations and smoking Crystal Meth; tell people it's wrong and evil, tell them they were going to hell, and then that you could then go and say Hi to Jesus. He is disgusted with you. Not because you smoke Crystal Meth or because you are gay, but because you are a hypocrite and a liar. You use His and God's name to control and manipulate people while you just do whatever you want. You think we God in Heaven who is the creator of the Universe somehow doesn't know about all of this, that he is too busy or not smart enough. Are you mad? But God doesn't punish, he leaves that to Karma, she seems to enjoy it.


(A woman leaves the basement of a building and walks toward them. She has blood dripping from her hands which she is trying to wipe off on her blood soaked apron. She has pieces of bloody meat stuck in between her teeth and she doesn't look like she is in a good mood)

Karma
I am so glad to finally meet you. (Though she didn't look happy) I have your friends, Karl and George waiting for you. We are going to have a lot of fun. Earth only gets you for about 70 to 100 years, we get to keep you for much much much much longer. You'll love it.....

Absence makes the voting stronger

Dear Fellow Black Americans

Let's boycott the elections. That 's a strong statement I know but I have a good reason. I saw a documentary about the Diebold Machines on HBO called Hacking Democracy that was really an eye opener for me and showed in graphic detail how easy it is to change the vote, hack the vote and never have to answer to anybody.

Let's face it the Republicans and conservative Whites don't want us to vote; and since we will not stop breeding and our numbers won't go down they have to find ways to suppress our votes. After all to the conservaties and racists we don't know the intracacies of the political process, or the delecate balance of the economic forces facing this country. We just usually vote for the most liberal person on the ballot because we don't trust Republicans and Conservatives.

They have Karl Rove and lots of resources all we have is faith in the American system and the expectation that we will be treated like real Americans and welcomed into the democratic process.

We may have many challenges, but at least we are smart enough not to have anything to do with that Bush idiot and we didn't need a botched war in Iraq to open our eyes to that jackass.

And that is problematic to the powers that be.

So what is the alternative? Not voting at all.

No we have fought too long and too hard to not vote at all-- I have a better idea.

Absentee ballots.

Not showing up to the polls would look really bad to the rest of the world. I am sure journalist from around the world cover our elections and it would be very strange not to see any Black people at the polls especially in our big cities. If anyone asks us why we aren't voting, we will just tell him that we don't care about a bunch of politicians and we have to go see the latest episode of The Flavor of Love.

This is a great plan because first of all we would do this as a deliberate concerted group effort. That would be very disconcerting to racist Whites who think all we do is complain about injustice, smoke weed and watch BET and would be nervous at the thought of us organizing or being sneaky.

Second of all it would register as a protest to the way we were treated in Florida in 2000 and in Ohio in 2004 specifically; and how we are maltreated in general when it comes to voting.

And third it would just look very bad.

So here is the plan:

We all sign up for absentee ballot status in our states, this won't work unless we all do it-- I am already an absentee voter. People like Condoleeza, Clarence and Colin can be excluded but the rest of us have to stick together.

If the Election people ask us why tell them we are going to be out of town, which will be true because...

We then go to the most rural part of our state where all the White Farmers and Survivalists live and mail in our absentee ballots from those areas.

That way they will think they are getting White, Conservative, Republican votes only to be fooled when they actually start counting them.

They may still find a way to get rid of our votes when they figure out our diabolical plan but it will be difficult to separate our votes from the "good" ones inconspicuously.

Just think about it..... that's all I ask.

Its probably too late for this particular election next week, so go down to the polls and do the best you can; take your ID, your voter registration card and hope your name isn't a match to some felon's name. Also don't pay any attention to any fliers telling you the election will be on Wednesday.

But for the next election, the Presidential one in 2008, apply for absentee ballot status. And hurry up before they find out about this.

Yours Truly

A Black woman who refuses to vote Diebold.