My Andy Rooney Moment
I have this uncontrollable urge to glue on some giant eyebrows, glue some more hair in my ears and nose and just yammer on endlessly about stuff. When this happens I call it my Andy Rooney moment.
Let me know if you think I have a shot of replacing him if he ever leaves 60 minutes. Ever!
I don't really know any famous people but I have met many of them in my life. Here is a list.
Diana Ross: I actually worked for her as a nanny caring for her daughter, the one that looks like Berry Gordy, when she was an infant. I was a long string of nannies that she fired and I lasted the weekend. I was 19 at the time, a college student and didn't know "nothing about nannying no babies". I met her at a hospital for the rich and famous where she was visiting a friend and I was a nurse’s assistant and when she asked me to come and work for her I was flattered. During the interview she asked me if I took any babysitting classes at UCLA. I thought that was funny and had my first dumb celebrity moment.
Jon Voight: He gave me a ride home in his used Volvo in the early 70's. We were campaigning for George McGovern. McGovern’s celebrity supporters became official Voter Registrars and actually registered people to vote. He was very cute and had long blond hair, Birkenstocks, jeans and was soft spoken in a healthy earthy Norwegian sort of way. He gave me a ride home and was a perfect gentleman, unfortunately. I was horrified to learn he was a Bush supporter and supported the war in Iraq. A lot of people have changed their minds since then, let's hope Jon has too. He did insensitively mess up his adopted African granddaughter's name, calling her Shakira instead of Zahara in an interview so unfortunately I think Jon has gone from Hippie Hunk to stodgy old white dude.
Senator Mark Hatfield: There was some big fancy wedding he attended in Chicago, I was one of the spectators and he was standing outside and struck up a conversation with me. I thought he was very nice and I had never spoken to a Senator before--I knew who he was and knew he was a Republican. I looked him up for this piece and realized that we share the same birthday, July 12. He talked to me for some time and not in a "look at me a prominent white Senator talking to this poor little black girl, see I’m a good person", but he was really interested in my opinions. Even though he was a Republican I liked him, in fact in those days Republicans were not like they are now. Charles Percy was an extremely popular Republican Senator in Illinois.
Julie Andrews: A friend of hers was a patient at that hospital in Los Angeles a long time ago and we rode the elevator together. She stared at my feet during the entire trip. I have bad feet with corns and I usually have to cut little holes on the side of my shoes so my deformed pinky toes with their mutant corns can have some extra room. She had apparently never seen anything quite like it and was thoroughly engrossed for those seconds it takes to ride 5 or 6 stories. She is a Dame now. Hey Julie --Dames and movie stars may not have corns but some of us regular folk do. I still watch the Sound of Music every year though.
Barbi Benton: This was an interesting story. I stayed at a private dorm at UCLA when I was 18. There was a buzz going around that Barbi Benton was a student there. I had never heard of Barbi Benton and did not watch TV in those days, but soon discovered she was Hugh Heffner's girlfriend. So of course I was anxious to see her. I got into an elevator with this girl I believed to be Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and thought though she was pretty she wasn't that pretty and said to myself whatever. Then a few days later I was in the elevator again and this girl asked me to hold the elevator. I did. She walked in. She had on a full length fur coat, this beautiful red dress and was about the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She had this perfect body, flawless otherworldly skin, beautiful eyes and she was just stunning. Then I knew this had to be her. Then I wondered what she was doing at UCLA? If I looked like her I wouldn't need to go to college and then I remembered I like being smart and going to college and maybe she did too. I read somewhere that she was Jewish, so maybe her parents agreed to let her hang out with Hef if she promised to go to college.
Grace Bumbry: (The famous Opera Singer) I am related to her. I believe my father and she are first cousins. I remember her babysitting me and some other kids when I was young and she wasn't happy being stuck with all those kids that day. I don't remember too much more about her but my friends who love opera are very impressed.
Celebrities I would like to meet
Paris Hilton: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of herself aged twenty years and just see her reaction. Then I remembered her reaction would probably be the same since she has the same expression on her face no matter what the setting or circumstance. She is gonna fall hard.
Britney Spears: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of her aged twenty years, at least Paris takes care of herself, Brittney is already showing signs of age and disrepair. I would also tell her that Tokyo is not in Africa and Canada is not overseas, and Kevin Federline should not be considered the sane and responsible one.
Steven Spielberg: I would like to thank him for making the Color Purple, my favorite movie.
Clive Owen: I would thank him for being one of my favorite actors and thank him for not accepting the James Bond roles. He is too good for James Bond.
Jennifer Hudson: You have a lot of talent but you need to be grateful for your experiences on American Idol. Whatever they did to you is worth it--it is called paying your dues girlfriend. If it were not for American Idol you would have not got that part in Dreamgirls, I know you don't believe that, but it is true. You would have been one of the thousands of women who were interviewed and there would not have been anything unique or special about you. There are thousands of black women who can sing some maybe even better than you. You didn't even have a record contract. So take a deep breath and say nice things about American Idol because it makes you look gracious instead of petty. That experience is part of your life story whether you liked it or not. There are many women out there who are just as talented as you who have had worse experiences than being on American Idol who are still not discovered, not in any movies, not nominated for the highest award in the entertainment industry. So take a deep breath and listen to your heart because you know what the truth is.
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