Just as black, just as funny, just as scary without make up, but no Stedman, no Gayle, no money--and a job from hell.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Africa is not a Country or Race--its a Continent





















The Media seems to take delight in the fact that black people are not overly enthusiastic about Barack Obama becoming the possible first black president. I suppose it would make sense that we would be overjoyed since he is the first "articulate and clean" black candidate, but we have our own opinions on subjects and our own reasons for those opinions. What I found most interesting is that fact that we are called African Americans when it is Obama who is the real African American.

His father is from Africa so that makes him an African American.

If your great great grandma was born in Russia and you don't speak Russian neither do your parents or grand parents and you know nothing of Russian history it would be ridiculous to call yourself a Russian American, it would be more appropriate to call yourself just an American or white American of Russian ancestry. That doesn't diminish your grandmother or your heritage it just makes more sense.

Why doesn't this logic apply to black Americans. We know that up until a hundred and thirty years ago our ancestors were brought here from Africa. That doesn't make their descendants African. We have had very little, practically no contact with Africa. We don't speak any African languages, we don't share the same culture of people from Africa in general except for being the victims of global racism.


When the term African American was first used it was fine because there weren't that many Africans in America. We, black Americans, accepted it proudly as it also gave us an opportunity to get in touch with our African heritage and identify ourselves with more than just a color.

Now there are many African immigrants coming to this country every day, people from Somalia, Ethiopia, Eritrea, The Gambia, Nigeria etc etc with their unique culture and languages. When they emigrate here shouldn't they be the ones called African Americans.

And while we are on the subject, what about people who are from Egypt? Egypt is in Africa but we don't call people from Egypt, African Americans. When we use the term African we are specifically speaking about a race of people, specifically blacks from Africa. If a white South African came to live in America we would not call him an African American either. But Africa or African is not a racial term, its a geographic term and there are many ethnicities and races who live in Africa.

That's why it seems ridiculous to say that someone whose father is from Africa is not to be considered black enough for people who call themselves African American.

But that's assessment is coming from the Main Stream Media in an attempt to define black people within their own narrow guidelines.


I think we should go back to just calling ourselves black. Just like white people who have lived here for generations call themselves white. It would include all black people, and it would include black African Americans too.

It is also way easier to say and doesn't require any capitalization either.

As far as Obama is concerned we should evaluate him along with the other candidates and come to our own opinions about who we think is best for us in other words continue to do what we have been doing all along.

My Interview with George W Bush


MY INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF THE ARMED FORCES, AND UNDISPUTED LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD AND THE PLANET EARTH.


You may be wondering how did this come about.

Well I contacted his chief of staff a day after he attended a party in which someone slipped him a roofie. He was so sick and hungover he agreed to let me interview the President.

I recorded this important because I didn't want to miss a second of this momentous occasion in my life.

Here is a transcript.


BDO: Thank you Mr President for granting me this time to interview you I now you are very busy.

Pres: You are very welcome, Oprah, or is that Broke Oprah, or Broke Down Oprah, or BD Oprah (laughing with his characteristically heaving shoulders)---

BDO: Mr President you can just call me Carla.

Pres: Carla, I thought you were Broke down and out Oprah, or just Plain ol' Broke Oprah or just---

BDO: Mr President I only have a limited amount of time for this interview you can call me whatever you like, thank you.

Pres: Ok I will call you Oprah cause I know that's who you secretly want to be and you know I'm a straight shooter and straight talker, so I will call you Oprah number 2, (laughing and heaving again).

BDO: Fine you can call me whatever you like as long as we can proceed with this interview. Mr President my first question is why are we still in Iraq? We went there to get rid of Saddam-- (he's gone) and to get rid of his WMD-- (there aren't any); so, I, along with many other people, want to know why we are still there? Who are we fighting?

Pres: Our troops are in Iraq and as long as our troops are in Iraq we are going to help them with the tools they need, the equipment they need and I am going to do everything in my power to protect the troops and the American people because I am the Commander in Chief.

BDO: But the troops are there because you sent them there, they didn't go there on their own. And are you saying that the only reason we are still there is because the troops are still there, because that doesn't make any sense.

Pres: Well I am the president and you are some kind of blogoscope writer or or or or something, you can't be expected to understand the complexities of this situation.

BDO: But that goes back to my original question, what are the complexities because all you have told me was that we are staying there because the troops are there.

Pres: Yes and as long as the troops are there I will stay there to protect them-- and the American people.

BDO: Let's change the subject. When you have allocated all of those funds for the war that doesn't leave much for social programs for the vulnerable members of society or universal health care for the working poor and uninsured.

Pres: What are you going to do with Universal health care if you are dead. (long pause) There are people out there who want to kill us, they hate us for our freedom, so if you are dead (long pause) from some kind of nukyular bomb what are you gonna do with health care, how is health care gonna help you?

BDO: But what if we don't have a war or what if we are not attacked by a nukyula--I mean nuclear bomb, I mean, we still have to live life in America.

Pres: Again what good is money going to do you if you are dead? If you are dead from a Nukyular, dirty bomb or something else what good is money going do to you, you have no home, no city, no earth, just radiaaction, I mean radioisotones, I mean radiation-- what good is money going to do you I mean for you? That is why the money should all go to to to to our fine young men and women serving in the armed forces to keep that from happening. The rest of the money should go to the rich to create jobs for the poor, who again may not be alive except for our wonderful troops fighting the terrirst there so they won't follow us here and fight us here. Which is good because according to you we are too sick to fight them since we don't have any health care. Its not rocket science its pretty simple really.

BDO: So let me paraphrase you. You cannot do anything for the country because we could all die any second from a dirty bomb, what money you do have has to go to the troops who are in Iraq to get rid of Saddam which they did and get rid of WMD which there were none, and to the rich to provide jobs for the poor in case we make it through the coming nuclear holocaust. We can't get the troops out of Iraq because they are there, so as long as they are there we have to support them being there and keep them there. So they have to stay there because they are already there, does that about sum things up?

Pres: That was a lot of talking, what was that a 12 part question? You are just as bad as that David Gregory, but he laughs at my jokes and you don't.

BDO: I think you are amusing, sir, but the topics I am discussing are somewhat serious but maybe after this interview we can go have a beer and yuk it up.

Pres: I'm gonna have to say a negatory to that. I am already in trouble for touching Condi Rice inappropriately I don't want Laura to think I have some kind of jungle fever.

BDO: Thank you Mr President.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

My Andy Rooney Moment




I have this uncontrollable urge to glue on some giant eyebrows, glue some more hair in my ears and nose and just yammer on endlessly about stuff. When this happens I call it my Andy Rooney moment.

Let me know if you think I have a shot of replacing him if he ever leaves 60 minutes. Ever!






I don't really know any famous people but I have met many of them in my life. Here is a list.











Diana Ross: I actually worked for her as a nanny caring for her daughter, the one that looks like Berry Gordy, when she was an infant. I was a long string of nannies that she fired and I lasted the weekend. I was 19 at the time, a college student and didn't know "nothing about nannying no babies". I met her at a hospital for the rich and famous where she was visiting a friend and I was a nurse’s assistant and when she asked me to come and work for her I was flattered. During the interview she asked me if I took any babysitting classes at UCLA. I thought that was funny and had my first dumb celebrity moment.







Jon Voight: He gave me a ride home in his used Volvo in the early 70's. We were campaigning for George McGovern. McGovern’s celebrity supporters became official Voter Registrars and actually registered people to vote. He was very cute and had long blond hair, Birkenstocks, jeans and was soft spoken in a healthy earthy Norwegian sort of way. He gave me a ride home and was a perfect gentleman, unfortunately. I was horrified to learn he was a Bush supporter and supported the war in Iraq. A lot of people have changed their minds since then, let's hope Jon has too. He did insensitively mess up his adopted African granddaughter's name, calling her Shakira instead of Zahara in an interview so unfortunately I think Jon has gone from Hippie Hunk to stodgy old white dude.







Senator Mark Hatfield: There was some big fancy wedding he attended in Chicago, I was one of the spectators and he was standing outside and struck up a conversation with me. I thought he was very nice and I had never spoken to a Senator before--I knew who he was and knew he was a Republican. I looked him up for this piece and realized that we share the same birthday, July 12. He talked to me for some time and not in a "look at me a prominent white Senator talking to this poor little black girl, see I’m a good person", but he was really interested in my opinions. Even though he was a Republican I liked him, in fact in those days Republicans were not like they are now. Charles Percy was an extremely popular Republican Senator in Illinois.











Julie Andrews: A friend of hers was a patient at that hospital in Los Angeles a long time ago and we rode the elevator together. She stared at my feet during the entire trip. I have bad feet with corns and I usually have to cut little holes on the side of my shoes so my deformed pinky toes with their mutant corns can have some extra room. She had apparently never seen anything quite like it and was thoroughly engrossed for those seconds it takes to ride 5 or 6 stories. She is a Dame now. Hey Julie --Dames and movie stars may not have corns but some of us regular folk do. I still watch the Sound of Music every year though.












Barbi Benton: This was an interesting story. I stayed at a private dorm at UCLA when I was 18. There was a buzz going around that Barbi Benton was a student there. I had never heard of Barbi Benton and did not watch TV in those days, but soon discovered she was Hugh Heffner's girlfriend. So of course I was anxious to see her. I got into an elevator with this girl I believed to be Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and thought though she was pretty she wasn't that pretty and said to myself whatever. Then a few days later I was in the elevator again and this girl asked me to hold the elevator. I did. She walked in. She had on a full length fur coat, this beautiful red dress and was about the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She had this perfect body, flawless otherworldly skin, beautiful eyes and she was just stunning. Then I knew this had to be her. Then I wondered what she was doing at UCLA? If I looked like her I wouldn't need to go to college and then I remembered I like being smart and going to college and maybe she did too. I read somewhere that she was Jewish, so maybe her parents agreed to let her hang out with Hef if she promised to go to college.








Grace Bumbry: (The famous Opera Singer) I am related to her. I believe my father and she are first cousins. I remember her babysitting me and some other kids when I was young and she wasn't happy being stuck with all those kids that day. I don't remember too much more about her but my friends who love opera are very impressed.










Celebrities I would like to meet






Paris Hilton: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of herself aged twenty years and just see her reaction. Then I remembered her reaction would probably be the same since she has the same expression on her face no matter what the setting or circumstance. She is gonna fall hard.















Britney Spears: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of her aged twenty years, at least Paris takes care of herself, Brittney is already showing signs of age and disrepair. I would also tell her that Tokyo is not in Africa and Canada is not overseas, and Kevin Federline should not be considered the sane and responsible one.










Steven Spielberg: I would like to thank him for making the Color Purple, my favorite movie.











Clive Owen: I would thank him for being one of my favorite actors and thank him for not accepting the James Bond roles. He is too good for James Bond.











Jennifer Hudson: You have a lot of talent but you need to be grateful for your experiences on American Idol. Whatever they did to you is worth it--it is called paying your dues girlfriend. If it were not for American Idol you would have not got that part in Dreamgirls, I know you don't believe that, but it is true. You would have been one of the thousands of women who were interviewed and there would not have been anything unique or special about you. There are thousands of black women who can sing some maybe even better than you. You didn't even have a record contract. So take a deep breath and say nice things about American Idol because it makes you look gracious instead of petty. That experience is part of your life story whether you liked it or not. There are many women out there who are just as talented as you who have had worse experiences than being on American Idol who are still not discovered, not in any movies, not nominated for the highest award in the entertainment industry. So take a deep breath and listen to your heart because you know what the truth is.

Friday, February 02, 2007

It's Soap Box Time--Merck and Perry Getting Freaky









"Approval of the vaccine doesn't mean women can forget about Pap tests and pelvic exams, experts stressed. That's because Gardasil only targets 4 HPV types; there are as many as 100 strains of the virus, and some of these others can also cause cancer."

.American Cancer Society


IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT GARDASIL
HPV Types 16 and 18 cause 70% of cervical cancer cases, and HPV Types 6 and 11 cause 90% of genital warts cases. GARDASIL may not fully protect everyone and does not prevent all types of cervical cancer, so it is important to continue regular cervical cancer screenings


Merck Website











I just read a news article in Yahoo that the Governor of Texas is passing legislation requiring young girls get vaccinated against the HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) because it is reported to prevent cervical cancer.

That was even shocking to Broke Down Oprah.

How can you force people to take a vaccine that may prevent them from getting cancer sometime in the future maybe?

The article brought up issues about young girls and sex, because HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, and how the Christian Right feels this legislation sends a message to young girls that it is the ok for teen sex, but this doesn't have anything to do with sex.


The real issues are:

Our right to chose if we want to take vaccines or not

Pharmaceutical Industries corrupt practices

Politicians in bed with corrupt Pharmaceutical Companies

A government that is trying to control every aspect of our lives


An argument can be made for requiring vaccinations like DPT, Polio, or Small Pox because those diseases are communicable and vaccinations have virtually eliminated these diseases at least in this country. Cervical cancer is not a communicable disease, HPV is but HPV is not cervical cancer.

They haven't discovered any serious side effects with the vaccine but that doesn't mean there are not any or will not be any in the future. What if the vaccine causes the HPV to mutate into another more insidious strain that cannot be vaccinated against?

I have problems with vaccines because of a personal situation. One of my twin sons is permanently damaged because of a DPT vaccine he received as an infant. He is a non verbal autistic. That lasts forever. There was no certainty he would have ever contracted Whooping Cough (Pertussis vaccine is suspected in many cases of autism which is part of the DPT shot) but let's say he did get Whooping Cough because I refused to let him get vaccinated. He probably would have survived. So to prevent him from getting Whooping Cough which is a survivable disease, he is mentally retarded for the rest of his life because of a reaction to the Pertussis vaccine.

And I have to do this day not received one penny from the pharmaceutical company, but I am sure they have received millions maybe even billions from all the vaccines they sold over the years.



Quoted from the Yahoo article:

"Perry has ties to Merck and Women in Government. One of the drug company's three lobbyists in Texas is Mike Toomey, Perry's former chief of staff. His current chief of staff's mother-in-law, Texas Republican state Rep. Dianne White Delisi, is a state director for Women in Government."


"The governor also received $6,000 from Merck's political action committee during his re-election campaign."

"The order is effective until Perry or a successor changes it, and the Legislature has no authority to repeal it, said Perry spokeswoman Krista Moody. Moody said the Texas Constitution permits the governor, as head of the executive branch, to order other members of the executive branch to adopt rules like this one."








Did Mcdonalds contribute to Governor Perry's campaign?

If the answer is yes, and the American Cancer Society says that eating vegetables is healthy and prevents cancer, wouldn't the next logical step for the Governor of Texas be to pass a law requiring all Texas residents eat one salad a day from McDonalds.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Send the A word to join the N word




"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” he said. “I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”


Senator Joe Biden (comment about presidential candidate Barak Obama)



















You just were told you had to attend a meeting you have been dreading. The meeting was very boring as predicted but then this black speaker from the head office gets up to the podium.

He is tall and handsome, freshly scrubbed in a nice suit and has everyone enthralled with his excellent diction, beautifully resonant voice and encyclopedic knowledge.

You turn to your black coworker to tell her how clean and articulate the speaker was, but before you can say that you remember black people don't like being called articulate, you don't know why but you remember hearing it. You excuse yourself and run down three flights of stairs to your office, open your drawer with the candy stash and under the tootsie rolls you see your tattered copy of Roget's Thesaurus-- thinking to yourself that this French guy has a lot of nerve writing a book on American synonyms ( you forgot he wasn't French, but Scottish). You look up some synonyms for articulate. You choose a good one, run up three flights of stairs back to the meeting, heart racing, with a big smile on your face and almost breathlessly say to your black coworker, wasn't he a captivating and knowledgeable speaker?

Your black coworker smiles and agree with you.

Whew!





That's a lot of work for one word. Why are black people so high maintenance?

Well, If I, Broke Down Oprah, may be permitted to speak on behalf of black people, we still haven't received our 40 acres and a mule, so that means you don't get to call us articulate.

Why not?

Because you are making the assumption that blacks are not articulate and now you have happened upon one who is unexpectedly articulate and you feel having made that discovery, you deserve some kind of medal.

In the past (like during slavery and Jim Crow) black people who spoke well and were well read were viewed very suspiciously. ( I feel the same way about crows. They are way too smart and they make me nervous). Anyway, at best they could be fired or denied jobs; and at worst they could be lynched. So it was not in their best interest to be articulate. That didn’t mean they weren’t. That didn’t mean they lacked ambition, goals, or speaking skills, they just had to survive in the world in which they lived.

That was a very long time ago. Black people nowadays go to college, have good jobs and thousands, maybe even millions of us are articulate.

When you point out our articulateness, you are taking us back to that period when we had to be less than we were.




Returning to the quote by Senator Biden at the beginning of this piece, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt about the word "clean". Did he mean hygienically clean or clean in the non corrupt sense? I think he meant in the non corrupt sense. However I believe there are millions of whites who think most blacks are not clean. They think blacks are dirty, shifty, don’t bathe regularly and just not their kind of people. Slaves smelled pretty bad because they had to work all day in the hot sun, and they didn’t have shower facilities or access to powders and perfumes. But that was again a really long long long time ago. That’s why I don’t think Biden meant “soap and water” clean. I hope.



And what about the previous black candidates he inadvertently smeared?

Obama has been singled out as the first serious black candidate for president, I beg to differ and will explain below, but a great many black people have considered previous black presidential candidates seriously. He meant that Obama is the first candidate acceptable to whites.

Why do I disagree with that assumption? We are a year away from the official start of the presidential season and already we know Obama’s middle name is Hussein and he went to a Madrasa(?) and lived in Indonesia. By the time the press’s brain dead stepchild, Fox News, finishes with him his name will be Barak Osama not Barak Obama.

Racist white people didn't like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Carol Moseley Braun and Shirley Chisholm either but at least they were real Americans with real American names and looked like real black people-- not like East Africans. I am waiting for Fox to dig up some pictures or stories about Obama and a white woman.

Then I think before it is over he may turn out to be the least likely black presidential candidate.

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