Broke Down Oprah

Enjoy Your Dog and Pony Show, I'm Voting For Edwards

2007-12-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

The mainstream media love Obama and Clinton. We have never had a black President or a female President and they are just all atwitter at the prospect of being part of that historic event. They forgot other candidates are running. They also forgot that Hillary and Obama can't beat the Republicans the ramifications of which will ruin this country for good. This county cannot tolerate another minute of sociopathic, corporate ass kissing, Repulican rule. Our economy is on the brink of ruin, the infrastructure of our cities are crumbling, the medical care situation is a disaster even for those who have insurance and this war is ruining a generation not to mention a country on the other side of the world. That should be what is important not that we have a black or female president.

But not to the MSM.

Let's take a look at the two golden candidates:

Ladies first.

Hillary Clinton is not Bill Clinton. She is her own person and that person is more conservative and less charismatic than Bill. People just don't like her. The Republicans hate her and the left wing of the Democratic party doesn't trust her. I see her as someone who would spend her administration trying to show how macho she is by engaging in conflicts, invading countries like Iran on the flimsiest of pretexts and keeping companies like Blackwater in business.

In fact she is on the armed services committee--why isn't she spearheading the investigations of Blackwater and Haliburton? She is a good speaker. After that I don't see much difference between her and our speech impaired President. She backed down on the universal health care battle in the 90's and I can see her doing it again.

Now to Barak Obama.

He is tall dark and handsome. He is an excellent speaker and he seems very intelligent and charming. He says he wants to unite people and bring change to Washington. Really? What if people don't want to be united. I don't want to unite with racist rednecks, I don't want to unite with crazy Christians, I don't want to unite with Republicans. I know these people live in the same country and I have to coexist with them but I don't wan't to unite with them. What kind of change is he talking about?. I haven't seen where he has done anything earth shattering in the Senate, in fact he has spent most of his senate term runnng for President. I think maybe one day in the future he may become a candidate I would support but right now I have to say no. America is too racist, his name rhymes with Osama, his middle name is Hussein, he has shown little interest in helping poor people or black people; mainly catering to the white middle class (hence Oprah, their High Priestess) and he comes off as kind of weak to me. The Republicans would have him for breakfast, lunch and dinner and he would probably have a nervous breakdown the first year of his term.

I don't think so.

Now we come to John Edwards.

I like Edwards when he ran against Bush/Cheney. He made Cheney's blood boil during a debate when he slipped in that comment about his gay daughter.

Kapow!

I loved it. Cheney didn't see it coming. Democrats are supposed to play nice. Oops.

I think John Edwards has the chops to stand up to the crazy right, I don't think he's afraid of them. I think he will help the poor and working class people including the middle class. I think the International community would love him. I know he can beat any of those pathetic excuses for human beings on the Republican side. If that's not enough he has promised to remove the health insurance of the Congress, Senate and White House staff until they pass health care for all Americans. I don't know how he would be able to accomplish that but I don't think he would say it if it were not possible.

However, when Dean promised universal health care, they came back with the scream. So I am sure they will dig up something on Edwards if he proves to be successful.

Be that as it may, he has a southern accent and it will play well in the south. Edwards doesn't share their limited views on life but since he has the accent that should easily distract them. Obama and Clinton can totally forget about the south.

So it is Edwards for me. If he wins the first three primaries maybe the MSM will get it that the Dog and Pony show is not working and start giving him more air time. Maybe they will realize we are not so easily distracted (if only that were true).

Grits and Yuppies

2007-11-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

I love Grits, especially with spicy sausages, a little cheese and butter on it for breakfast. A lot of people did not grow up eating Grits and since the word doesn't sound very pretty, (grittiness?) and it is associated heavily with black people, it has become some kind of strange substance in the Non Grit Eating world.

Ok-- whatever it's their loss.

However I have a problem with Yuppies or other Non grit Eaters asking what is a Grit or what are Grits and scrunching up their faces as that ask-- as if to say I am asking but I don't really want to know because I have already formed a negative opinion about it.

I don't feel like explaining what a Grit is. You(Non Grit Eater) have spent most of your life not knowing what a Grit is maybe it is not for you to know.

Anyway, one day I was at the supermarket and these two Yuppie women got behind me in line. I had Grits and hair grease on the conveyor belt and I knew we were going to have some kind of interaction. My back was hurting, I was tired and not in the mood.

They were yapping away about their Yuppie interests, home remodeling projects, that new Albanian-Mongolian restaurant etc.....then there was a lull in the conversation.

I knew it--- here it comes.

Counting T minus 10..9..8..7..6..here it comes 5..4..3..2..1 we have lift off.

WHAT ARE GRITS?

First of all I don't know what Grits are and even if I did I would not take the time to explain it. I know I have that kind of Aunt Jemima look, overweight, middle aged and black, and I look like I should be singing in a choir and saying something like "Bless yo heart chil' you want to know what grits are, let's see sweety....."

That is not me. I may look Aunt Jemima-ish but if I met Aunt Jemima I would probably kick her ass or at least say "thanks" with a huge helping of sarcasm.

My acutal response to the question was "I don't know, I am buying this box for a friend."

They didn't like that--how dare I look like Aunt Jemima and have that attitude.

So they started talking amongst themselves, probably to save face " do you know what Grits are? No I don't have a clue", etc etc etc.

I just ignored them.

Then I felt bad, not for the rebuff but for the fact I didn't say what I really wanted to say. Next time I will respond with exactly what is on my mind.

Beware Yuppies and Non Grit Eaters, if you happen to be standing in line behind an overweight, middle aged black woman who is buying Grits, don't ask her what are Grits. Because if it is me this is the response you will get.

I don't know what Grits are and I don't know what a Grit is. I do know that they are delicious especially with saugage early in the morning. Here is an idea why don't you buy a box and make some. The directions are on the box. Put a little cheese and butter on it and eat it instead of hash browns or a bagel. You may find them delicious and I promise you will not turn black, you will not become a crack whore, your hair will not kink up and you will not have an irresistible urge to move to the hood and fool around with black men. However I cannot predict what your friends would say when they found out you were eating (gulp!) Grits.

There is nothing wrong with curiosity, but it is the phraseology and the face scrunching that I find extremely irritating.

Why not ask that question like this:

"you know I see that box of Grits all the time next to the Cream of Wheat-- it looks good, what does it taste like and what do you eat it with? I think I might like to try it one day."

If someone asked me like that, then I would be nice and maybe explain what I think Grits are because I really don't know, my mother used to make them when I was a child so I just ate and enjoyed.

However I do also recall my mother serving me Brains when I was a child and eating those with Grits. I thought they were some kind of egg dish spelled Branes, until I realized later in life they were really Brains, spelled Brains--- Brains from some animal--- I was really disgusted when I found that out.

So it is ok to scrunch up you face and ask me about Brains.

Broke Down Oprah is back

2007-11-04T13:53:00.000-08:00

Hello (My One Reader)

I have been gone for a long time because I have been diagnosed with a serious illness and haven't felt like making fun of people.

But now I am back with a new blog, Renal Roulette, and a lot to say.

I guess I will start with the usual suspect, His Royal High Mightiness, the Honorable and Fabulous and Uber-intelligent George Wha?? Bush.

Why don't we just make him king of America, in fact I would be willing to make him king of America if he would stop talking. Every time he opens his mouth that little voice in my head starts screaming.....

"For the love of God please please I beg of you please make it stop"

Then I thought to myself--why is his voice so irritating to me? It took me a while to figure it out but I have presented my reasoning below.

Imagine you are a child-- a teenager who is really smart and into computers and pretty savvy as teenagers go.

You have a father who likes to ride around on his motorcycle and thinks he is hot. That's pretty bad but you say "whatever--that's his problem I have my own problems to deal with."

Then your father has an accident and damages his brain severely, because he is way too cool to wear a faggoty helmet. He eventually makes it after a long recovery.

He has recovered physically but there is something not quite right with him. Whenever he talks to you he scrunches up his face and talks to you as if you were a slow witted child from another country (Albania?), so he has to use small words, talk very slowly and try very hard to make himself understood. He doesn't realize that it is he who has the brain damage and you understand the simple minded things he is trying to explain perfectly. So you have to sit there night after night going through this routine listening to someone who was not too bright in the first place, who now has brain damage trying to explain simple things to you with that exasperated scrunched up face and idiotic explanations. That has got to be hard.

That's why I cannot listen to him. Now that the prophets of Doom has shortened my lifespan I really find it hard to listen to him. Suppose I am listening to him give his usual Bin Laden, 9/11, terrrrist speech and I drop dead. That would have been the last thing I would have experienced as a living human being on the planet earth. I cannot take that chance. I am not unpatriotic or a Bush hater ( well, actually I am) but I am trying to cherish and protect what could be my last moments on earth.

You Are So Busted......

2007-03-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

See Article

We all suspected it was a load of horse manure but now we have confirmation. Cell phones don't interfere with lifesaving equipment. Grandpa didn't die because you sent a text message to your boyfriend, he died because he was old and sick--that happens to a lot of really old sick people.

So why do hospitals ban the cell? It is pretty obvious. People who talk on cell phones in public places loud enough for others to hear are extremely annoying.

One lady next to me talking on a cell phone was so irritating I wanted to take the phone and shove it up her nose. After that I started monitoring my own cell phone conversations and have started really paying attention and modulating my voice.

Unfortunately most people are not that introspective, and don't care that we have to hear the business end of them yelling at their teenagers, some customer service drone, their hard of hearing grandma or engaging in sexy banter with their spouses. They should. Someone should make a video tape of these conversations and send it to them with enhanced audio, showing people's facial expressions during these ridiculous exchanges, they would be shocked at how not pretty they look.

But this leaves us with the Health Care industry and their big lie. Why not just say that cell phone use is disruptive to patient care. Why deny people who are trying to contact family members near and far about their sick relative, or not allow patients to talk to relatives who are not local.

According to the article there are still some skeptics in the medical industry that are suspicious of cell phones and still believe it may interfere with sensitive medical equipment. I don't believe it. They are just covering their asses because they knew they were making it all up.

A few years ago I worked on a Medicare Unit of a prominent Seattle hospital. The patients were mostly elderly and we did not have a bunch of monitoring equipment. We had some IV pumps and wound vacs and nothing else that I would consider high tech and life sustaining. One time we had a code and even the ER doc who came to help said he thought everyone on this unit was a no code (which reminds me of the joke what do you call a medical student who graduated last in his class? Doctor). Anyway you get the idea. There was this huge sign near the elevator with a cell phone enclosed in a red circle with a line drawn through it stating the cell phones interfere with life sustaining equipment. One day I asked the charge nurse which life saving equipment and she said there is none we just don't want people using cell phones up here.

I am sure some facilities will still keep the signs and keep the lie alive, but now you know the truth and this truth is just another chunk removed from the Medical Industrial complex's armor. What's next?

Universal Health Care? I know--way too much, we need to take baby steps.

Charging $5 for an aspirin?

George W Bush Needs An Intervention

2007-03-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

I watch the program Intervention on A&E and I have become convinced that George W Bush needs an intervention badly.

What for?

Drugs and Alcohol?

No

Causing the horrific and painful deaths of hundreds of thousands of people?

No

Trying to turn the Presidency into a Dictatorship?

No

Then whay pray tell?

George W Bush needs an intervention to stop him from speaking Spanish.

Someone has led him to believe that he can speak Spanish and he does it whenever he is around the Spanish speaking.

Don't the people south of the border have enough trials and tribulations to deal with do they really need our Imbecile in Chief babbling on incomprehensively to boot.

The English speaking world knows Bush is a simpleton with a border line speech impediment. However, I would suspect the rest of the world doesn't know that. They see Bush as some tough talking kick ass President of the richest and most powerful nation in the world and they just assume he is an intelligent and mesmerizing speaker. How else would he have risen to such an exalted position? Well now the Spanish speaking world knows he is a simpleton and worse maybe even a little crazy.

I was watching the news and heard him speaking Spanish. I didn't understand what he was saying, I understood the words but they did not make any sense. I speak Spanish, not perfectly, but I have been told by the Spanish speaking I speak "bastante" which means ok or good enough. And I definitely know enough Spanish to know our President was speaking gibberish.

So here is my plan.

Get Jeb who can speak Spanish, his Mexican American wife, their half Mexican offspring, his parents, Rove, Cheney, Condoleeza and some of his golf buddies, Blair and of course Alberto Gonzalez together for a pre invertention meeting. I would volunteer to facilitate this meeting as I have a degree in Linguistics which I have never ever ever ever used until now.

At the meeting, they can all write heartfelt letters expressing how much they love George W, but the Spanish speaking has to stop. There will be a lot of crying and hugging and of course George W will insist that he can speak Spanish and start making incomprehensible statements in Spanish with his Texas accent. It will be very painful but I think eventually he will get the message and agree.

And just as he is about to leave promising never to speak Spanish again, he will turn around and remember that he is the Commander in Chief. He runs America and everything he does is to help the American people. He will tell them that he will continue to speak Spanish because that is his job to represent America all over the world. The people of Guatemala, Mexico and other countries understood him perfectly.

He will storm out.

Yo soy el Presidente

Yo soy el comandadero el Jefe

Yo hablo Espanol, no el la verdad, no es la verdad, no la verdad no es, no yo hablo la verdad espanol, correcta, verdad.

Africa is not a Country or Race--its a Continent

2007-02-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

The Media seems to take delight in the fact that black people are not overly enthusiastic about Barack Obama becoming the possible first black president. I suppose it would make sense that we would be overjoyed since he is the first "articulate and clean" black candidate, but we have our own opinions on subjects and our own reasons for those opinions. What I found most interesting is that fact that we are called African Americans when it is Obama who is the real African American.

His father is from Africa so that makes him an African American.

If your great great grandma was born in Russia and you don't speak Russian neither do your parents or grand parents and you know nothing of Russian history it would be ridiculous to call yourself a Russian American, it would be more appropriate to call yourself just an American or white American of Russian ancestry. That doesn't diminish your grandmother or your heritage it just makes more sense.

Why doesn't this logic apply to black Americans. We know that up until a hundred and thirty years ago our ancestors were brought here from Africa. That doesn't make their descendants African. We have had very little, practically no contact with Africa. We don't speak any African languages, we don't share the same culture of people from Africa in general except for being the victims of global racism.

When the term African American was first used it was fine because there weren't that many Africans in America. We, black Americans, accepted it proudly as it also gave us an opportunity to get in touch with our African heritage and identify ourselves with more than just a color.

Now there are many African immigrants coming to this country every day, people from Somalia, Ethiopia, Eritrea, The Gambia, Nigeria etc etc with their unique culture and languages. When they emigrate here shouldn't they be the ones called African Americans.

And while we are on the subject, what about people who are from Egypt? Egypt is in Africa but we don't call people from Egypt, African Americans. When we use the term African we are specifically speaking about a race of people, specifically blacks from Africa. If a white South African came to live in America we would not call him an African American either. But Africa or African is not a racial term, its a geographic term and there are many ethnicities and races who live in Africa.

That's why it seems ridiculous to say that someone whose father is from Africa is not to be considered black enough for people who call themselves African American.

But that's assessment is coming from the Main Stream Media in an attempt to define black people within their own narrow guidelines.

I think we should go back to just calling ourselves black. Just like white people who have lived here for generations call themselves white. It would include all black people, and it would include black African Americans too.

It is also way easier to say and doesn't require any capitalization either.

As far as Obama is concerned we should evaluate him along with the other candidates and come to our own opinions about who we think is best for us in other words continue to do what we have been doing all along.

My Interview with George W Bush

2007-02-18T15:45:00.000-08:00

MY INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF THE ARMED FORCES, AND UNDISPUTED LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD AND THE PLANET EARTH.

You may be wondering how did this come about.

Well I contacted his chief of staff a day after he attended a party in which someone slipped him a roofie. He was so sick and hungover he agreed to let me interview the President.

I recorded this important because I didn't want to miss a second of this momentous occasion in my life.

Here is a transcript.

BDO: Thank you Mr President for granting me this time to interview you I now you are very busy.

Pres: You are very welcome, Oprah, or is that Broke Oprah, or Broke Down Oprah, or BD Oprah (laughing with his characteristically heaving shoulders)---

BDO: Mr President you can just call me Carla.

Pres: Carla, I thought you were Broke down and out Oprah, or just Plain ol' Broke Oprah or just---

BDO: Mr President I only have a limited amount of time for this interview you can call me whatever you like, thank you.

Pres: Ok I will call you Oprah cause I know that's who you secretly want to be and you know I'm a straight shooter and straight talker, so I will call you Oprah number 2, (laughing and heaving again).

BDO: Fine you can call me whatever you like as long as we can proceed with this interview. Mr President my first question is why are we still in Iraq? We went there to get rid of Saddam-- (he's gone) and to get rid of his WMD-- (there aren't any); so, I, along with many other people, want to know why we are still there? Who are we fighting?

Pres: Our troops are in Iraq and as long as our troops are in Iraq we are going to help them with the tools they need, the equipment they need and I am going to do everything in my power to protect the troops and the American people because I am the Commander in Chief.

BDO: But the troops are there because you sent them there, they didn't go there on their own. And are you saying that the only reason we are still there is because the troops are still there, because that doesn't make any sense.

Pres: Well I am the president and you are some kind of blogoscope writer or or or or something, you can't be expected to understand the complexities of this situation.

BDO: But that goes back to my original question, what are the complexities because all you have told me was that we are staying there because the troops are there.

Pres: Yes and as long as the troops are there I will stay there to protect them-- and the American people.

BDO: Let's change the subject. When you have allocated all of those funds for the war that doesn't leave much for social programs for the vulnerable members of society or universal health care for the working poor and uninsured.

Pres: What are you going to do with Universal health care if you are dead. (long pause) There are people out there who want to kill us, they hate us for our freedom, so if you are dead (long pause) from some kind of nukyular bomb what are you gonna do with health care, how is health care gonna help you?

BDO: But what if we don't have a war or what if we are not attacked by a nukyula--I mean nuclear bomb, I mean, we still have to live life in America.

Pres: Again what good is money going to do you if you are dead? If you are dead from a Nukyular, dirty bomb or something else what good is money going do to you, you have no home, no city, no earth, just radiaaction, I mean radioisotones, I mean radiation-- what good is money going to do you I mean for you? That is why the money should all go to to to to our fine young men and women serving in the armed forces to keep that from happening. The rest of the money should go to the rich to create jobs for the poor, who again may not be alive except for our wonderful troops fighting the terrirst there so they won't follow us here and fight us here. Which is good because according to you we are too sick to fight them since we don't have any health care. Its not rocket science its pretty simple really.

BDO: So let me paraphrase you. You cannot do anything for the country because we could all die any second from a dirty bomb, what money you do have has to go to the troops who are in Iraq to get rid of Saddam which they did and get rid of WMD which there were none, and to the rich to provide jobs for the poor in case we make it through the coming nuclear holocaust. We can't get the troops out of Iraq because they are there, so as long as they are there we have to support them being there and keep them there. So they have to stay there because they are already there, does that about sum things up?

Pres: That was a lot of talking, what was that a 12 part question? You are just as bad as that David Gregory, but he laughs at my jokes and you don't.

BDO: I think you are amusing, sir, but the topics I am discussing are somewhat serious but maybe after this interview we can go have a beer and yuk it up.

Pres: I'm gonna have to say a negatory to that. I am already in trouble for touching Condi Rice inappropriately I don't want Laura to think I have some kind of jungle fever.

BDO: Thank you Mr President.

My Andy Rooney Moment

2007-02-04T00:56:00.000-08:00

I have this uncontrollable urge to glue on some giant eyebrows, glue some more hair in my ears and nose and just yammer on endlessly about stuff. When this happens I call it my Andy Rooney moment.

Let me know if you think I have a shot of replacing him if he ever leaves 60 minutes. Ever!

I don't really know any famous people but I have met many of them in my life. Here is a list.

Diana Ross: I actually worked for her as a nanny caring for her daughter, the one that looks like Berry Gordy, when she was an infant. I was a long string of nannies that she fired and I lasted the weekend. I was 19 at the time, a college student and didn't know "nothing about nannying no babies". I met her at a hospital for the rich and famous where she was visiting a friend and I was a nurse’s assistant and when she asked me to come and work for her I was flattered. During the interview she asked me if I took any babysitting classes at UCLA. I thought that was funny and had my first dumb celebrity moment.

Jon Voight: He gave me a ride home in his used Volvo in the early 70's. We were campaigning for George McGovern. McGovern’s celebrity supporters became official Voter Registrars and actually registered people to vote. He was very cute and had long blond hair, Birkenstocks, jeans and was soft spoken in a healthy earthy Norwegian sort of way. He gave me a ride home and was a perfect gentleman, unfortunately. I was horrified to learn he was a Bush supporter and supported the war in Iraq. A lot of people have changed their minds since then, let's hope Jon has too. He did insensitively mess up his adopted African granddaughter's name, calling her Shakira instead of Zahara in an interview so unfortunately I think Jon has gone from Hippie Hunk to stodgy old white dude.

Senator Mark Hatfield: There was some big fancy wedding he attended in Chicago, I was one of the spectators and he was standing outside and struck up a conversation with me. I thought he was very nice and I had never spoken to a Senator before--I knew who he was and knew he was a Republican. I looked him up for this piece and realized that we share the same birthday, July 12. He talked to me for some time and not in a "look at me a prominent white Senator talking to this poor little black girl, see I’m a good person", but he was really interested in my opinions. Even though he was a Republican I liked him, in fact in those days Republicans were not like they are now. Charles Percy was an extremely popular Republican Senator in Illinois.

Julie Andrews: A friend of hers was a patient at that hospital in Los Angeles a long time ago and we rode the elevator together. She stared at my feet during the entire trip. I have bad feet with corns and I usually have to cut little holes on the side of my shoes so my deformed pinky toes with their mutant corns can have some extra room. She had apparently never seen anything quite like it and was thoroughly engrossed for those seconds it takes to ride 5 or 6 stories. She is a Dame now. Hey Julie --Dames and movie stars may not have corns but some of us regular folk do. I still watch the Sound of Music every year though.

Barbi Benton: This was an interesting story. I stayed at a private dorm at UCLA when I was 18. There was a buzz going around that Barbi Benton was a student there. I had never heard of Barbi Benton and did not watch TV in those days, but soon discovered she was Hugh Heffner's girlfriend. So of course I was anxious to see her. I got into an elevator with this girl I believed to be Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and thought though she was pretty she wasn't that pretty and said to myself whatever. Then a few days later I was in the elevator again and this girl asked me to hold the elevator. I did. She walked in. She had on a full length fur coat, this beautiful red dress and was about the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She had this perfect body, flawless otherworldly skin, beautiful eyes and she was just stunning. Then I knew this had to be her. Then I wondered what she was doing at UCLA? If I looked like her I wouldn't need to go to college and then I remembered I like being smart and going to college and maybe she did too. I read somewhere that she was Jewish, so maybe her parents agreed to let her hang out with Hef if she promised to go to college.

Grace Bumbry: (The famous Opera Singer) I am related to her. I believe my father and she are first cousins. I remember her babysitting me and some other kids when I was young and she wasn't happy being stuck with all those kids that day. I don't remember too much more about her but my friends who love opera are very impressed.

Celebrities I would like to meet

Paris Hilton: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of herself aged twenty years and just see her reaction. Then I remembered her reaction would probably be the same since she has the same expression on her face no matter what the setting or circumstance. She is gonna fall hard.

Britney Spears: I would love to walk up to her and show her a picture of her aged twenty years, at least Paris takes care of herself, Brittney is already showing signs of age and disrepair. I would also tell her that Tokyo is not in Africa and Canada is not overseas, and Kevin Federline should not be considered the sane and responsible one.

Steven Spielberg: I would like to thank him for making the Color Purple, my favorite movie.

Clive Owen: I would thank him for being one of my favorite actors and thank him for not accepting the James Bond roles. He is too good for James Bond.

Jennifer Hudson: You have a lot of talent but you need to be grateful for your experiences on American Idol. Whatever they did to you is worth it--it is called paying your dues girlfriend. If it were not for American Idol you would have not got that part in Dreamgirls, I know you don't believe that, but it is true. You would have been one of the thousands of women who were interviewed and there would not have been anything unique or special about you. There are thousands of black women who can sing some maybe even better than you. You didn't even have a record contract. So take a deep breath and say nice things about American Idol because it makes you look gracious instead of petty. That experience is part of your life story whether you liked it or not. There are many women out there who are just as talented as you who have had worse experiences than being on American Idol who are still not discovered, not in any movies, not nominated for the highest award in the entertainment industry. So take a deep breath and listen to your heart because you know what the truth is.

It's Soap Box Time--Merck and Perry Getting Freaky

2007-02-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

"Approval of the vaccine doesn't mean women can forget about Pap tests and pelvic exams, experts stressed. That's because Gardasil only targets 4 HPV types; there are as many as 100 strains of the virus, and some of these others can also cause cancer."

.American Cancer Society

IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT GARDASIL
HPV Types 16 and 18 cause 70% of cervical cancer cases, and HPV Types 6 and 11 cause 90% of genital warts cases. GARDASIL may not fully protect everyone and does not prevent all types of cervical cancer, so it is important to continue regular cervical cancer screenings

Merck Website

I just read a news article in Yahoo that the Governor of Texas is passing legislation requiring young girls get vaccinated against the HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) because it is reported to prevent cervical cancer.

That was even shocking to Broke Down Oprah.

How can you force people to take a vaccine that may prevent them from getting cancer sometime in the future maybe?

The article brought up issues about young girls and sex, because HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, and how the Christian Right feels this legislation sends a message to young girls that it is the ok for teen sex, but this doesn't have anything to do with sex.

The real issues are:

Our right to chose if we want to take vaccines or not

Pharmaceutical Industries corrupt practices

Politicians in bed with corrupt Pharmaceutical Companies

A government that is trying to control every aspect of our lives

An argument can be made for requiring vaccinations like DPT, Polio, or Small Pox because those diseases are communicable and vaccinations have virtually eliminated these diseases at least in this country. Cervical cancer is not a communicable disease, HPV is but HPV is not cervical cancer.

They haven't discovered any serious side effects with the vaccine but that doesn't mean there are not any or will not be any in the future. What if the vaccine causes the HPV to mutate into another more insidious strain that cannot be vaccinated against?

I have problems with vaccines because of a personal situation. One of my twin sons is permanently damaged because of a DPT vaccine he received as an infant. He is a non verbal autistic. That lasts forever. There was no certainty he would have ever contracted Whooping Cough (Pertussis vaccine is suspected in many cases of autism which is part of the DPT shot) but let's say he did get Whooping Cough because I refused to let him get vaccinated. He probably would have survived. So to prevent him from getting Whooping Cough which is a survivable disease, he is mentally retarded for the rest of his life because of a reaction to the Pertussis vaccine.

And I have to do this day not received one penny from the pharmaceutical company, but I am sure they have received millions maybe even billions from all the vaccines they sold over the years.

Quoted from the Yahoo article:

"Perry has ties to Merck and Women in Government. One of the drug company's three lobbyists in Texas is Mike Toomey, Perry's former chief of staff. His current chief of staff's mother-in-law, Texas Republican state Rep. Dianne White Delisi, is a state director for Women in Government."

"The governor also received $6,000 from Merck's political action committee during his re-election campaign."

"The order is effective until Perry or a successor changes it, and the Legislature has no authority to repeal it, said Perry spokeswoman Krista Moody. Moody said the Texas Constitution permits the governor, as head of the executive branch, to order other members of the executive branch to adopt rules like this one."

Did Mcdonalds contribute to Governor Perry's campaign?

If the answer is yes, and the American Cancer Society says that eating vegetables is healthy and prevents cancer, wouldn't the next logical step for the Governor of Texas be to pass a law requiring all Texas residents eat one salad a day from McDonalds.

Send the A word to join the N word

2007-02-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” he said. “I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Senator Joe Biden (comment about presidential candidate Barak Obama)

You just were told you had to attend a meeting you have been dreading. The meeting was very boring as predicted but then this black speaker from the head office gets up to the podium.

He is tall and handsome, freshly scrubbed in a nice suit and has everyone enthralled with his excellent diction, beautifully resonant voice and encyclopedic knowledge.

You turn to your black coworker to tell her how clean and articulate the speaker was, but before you can say that you remember black people don't like being called articulate, you don't know why but you remember hearing it. You excuse yourself and run down three flights of stairs to your office, open your drawer with the candy stash and under the tootsie rolls you see your tattered copy of Roget's Thesaurus-- thinking to yourself that this French guy has a lot of nerve writing a book on American synonyms ( you forgot he wasn't French, but Scottish). You look up some synonyms for articulate. You choose a good one, run up three flights of stairs back to the meeting, heart racing, with a big smile on your face and almost breathlessly say to your black coworker, wasn't he a captivating and knowledgeable speaker?

Your black coworker smiles and agree with you.

Whew!

That's a lot of work for one word. Why are black people so high maintenance?

Well, If I, Broke Down Oprah, may be permitted to speak on behalf of black people, we still haven't received our 40 acres and a mule, so that means you don't get to call us articulate.

Why not?

Because you are making the assumption that blacks are not articulate and now you have happened upon one who is unexpectedly articulate and you feel having made that discovery, you deserve some kind of medal.

In the past (like during slavery and Jim Crow) black people who spoke well and were well read were viewed very suspiciously. ( I feel the same way about crows. They are way too smart and they make me nervous). Anyway, at best they could be fired or denied jobs; and at worst they could be lynched. So it was not in their best interest to be articulate. That didn’t mean they weren’t. That didn’t mean they lacked ambition, goals, or speaking skills, they just had to survive in the world in which they lived.

That was a very long time ago. Black people nowadays go to college, have good jobs and thousands, maybe even millions of us are articulate.

When you point out our articulateness, you are taking us back to that period when we had to be less than we were.

Returning to the quote by Senator Biden at the beginning of this piece, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt about the word "clean". Did he mean hygienically clean or clean in the non corrupt sense? I think he meant in the non corrupt sense. However I believe there are millions of whites who think most blacks are not clean. They think blacks are dirty, shifty, don’t bathe regularly and just not their kind of people. Slaves smelled pretty bad because they had to work all day in the hot sun, and they didn’t have shower facilities or access to powders and perfumes. But that was again a really long long long time ago. That’s why I don’t think Biden meant “soap and water” clean. I hope.

And what about the previous black candidates he inadvertently smeared?

Obama has been singled out as the first serious black candidate for president, I beg to differ and will explain below, but a great many black people have considered previous black presidential candidates seriously. He meant that Obama is the first candidate acceptable to whites.

Why do I disagree with that assumption? We are a year away from the official start of the presidential season and already we know Obama’s middle name is Hussein and he went to a Madrasa(?) and lived in Indonesia. By the time the press’s brain dead stepchild, Fox News, finishes with him his name will be Barak Osama not Barak Obama.

Racist white people didn't like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Carol Moseley Braun and Shirley Chisholm either but at least they were real Americans with real American names and looked like real black people-- not like East Africans. I am waiting for Fox to dig up some pictures or stories about Obama and a white woman.

Then I think before it is over he may turn out to be the least likely black presidential candidate.

JabPNACky

2007-01-20T00:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite poems is Jabberwocky. It was written by by Lewis Carroll
and is taken from:

Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872.

Even though it is full of nonsense words, you still understand it.

I have always wanted to "sample" that poem and have made a valiant attempt to do so below.

If you have never read Jabberwocky, I suggest you read it before reading my poem.

Jabberwocky

I also recommend you click on the link below to read about PNAC (pronounced P-nak) if you don't know what that is, they are the scary dudes that influence our president on war especially in the Middle East.

PNAC

JabPNACky

'Twas scrific and the slimy Rove
Did lie and swindle in the wake:
All flimsy were the truths they drove,
The Press just mused and faked.

"Beware the JabPNAC my son!
The teeth that lie the fist that slam!
Beware the Neocon
And shun the flurious Wingnut sham!"

He took his laptop in his hand
Long time the Wraqmogner he sought--
So rested he by Pontchartraine,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in feevish thought he slumped,
The JabPNAC with lies defame,
Came scriggling through the sticky swamp,
And frumbled without shame!

One two! one two! and through and through!
The laptop went blog blog blog!
Was plenty read, no sheep unlead
He went cutrunning back.

"And has though slain the Jabpnac?
Come to my arms! my clever Scribe!
O joyful day, no Tom Delay"
He cheerjumped with high five.

'Twas scrific and the slimy Rove
Did lie and swindle in the wake;
All flimsy were the truths they drove,
The Press just mused and faked.

© Broke Down Oprah

copyright information

Bill is off his meds again

2007-01-19T15:16:00.000-08:00

As Media Matters has previously noted (here and here), O'Reilly said of Hornbeck -- who was abducted at the age of 11, held for four years, and recently found in Missouri -- that "there was an element here that this kid liked about this circumstances"; that O'Reilly "do[esn't] buy" "the Stockholm syndrome thing"; that he "believe[d]" that Hornbeck did not enjoy school; and stated: "The situation here for this kid looks to me to be a lot more fun than what he had under his old parents. He didn't have to go to school. He could run around and do whatever he wanted."
Further, on the January 15 O'Reilly Factor, O'Reilly did indeed note Hornbeck's "piercings" in discussing his views on the Hornbeck kidnapping. While discussing the case with fellow Fox News host Greta Van Susteren, O'Reilly stated: "[T]his is why I don't believe in the Stockholm syndrome -- this guy, Shawn Hornbeck, gone four years, 11 to 15, authorities actually say he taunted his own parents on their website. He, you know, has got the piercings. He's -- I mean, this is a troubled kid."
Excerpted from Media Matters

Bill O'reilly it appears that you have forgotten to take meds again. Apparently you commented on that unfortunate young teen, Shawn Hornbeck, who was rescued by police last week in Missouri without the benefit of your medication.

First of all when does a child molester/kidnapper get elevated to the status of parent? You said the child didn‘t want to return to his “old parents”, which implies that you consider his captor to be his new parent. Kidnapper, child molester, sex pervert, loser---not parent.

Second, you don't know anything about any of these people, you never heard of any of them before last week; how on earth could you feel you have the ability to even comment on this situation?

Then I remembered you are crazy. You have some kind of psychiatric condition and you obviously forgot to take your meds.

I have to admit I don't watch your show so I didn’t actually see the words come out of your mouth, but it certainly is not a stretch of the imagination to believe you made those comments. I don't watch your show because it is difficult to watch someone with your afflication on TV talking about any subject, it reminds me of the judges on American Idol watching and mocking the mentally challenged contestants that appear during the initial elimation process. Those contestants are funny and entertaining but you also feel bad for them since they don’t know that they are mentally challenged. It is painful to watch them and it is painful to watch you.

I know you have millions of fans. The only explanation I have for that is that there are a lot of Americans who are very confused, mentally ill like yourself or just too stupid to realize they are watching someone who needs help.

Children have complex minds with developmental challenges. The perpetrator took that child at a point when he was just starting to develop a semi independent identity from that of his parents. Who knows what kinds of threats, brainwashing and abuse that child received at a delicate point in his development. A normal, intelligent-- not insane-- person would know that or at least know enough not make any comment due to lack of knowledge and training on the matter. But since you have a mental illness, that part of your brain that allows you to draw logical conclusions or even admit you don't know something is damaged; so you are incapable making rational statements especially without your medication.

Your employers don't care that you are crazy because you are bringing them money, just like American Idol in which the early shows with those poor deluded untalented contestants probably bring in more viewers than the actual talent part of the broadcast.

You need someone to help you. You can't depend on Fox News or your coworkers, your insanity is their bread and butter. You need to hire an assistant to remind you everyday to take your meds. I'll volunteer to do it. I have to take blood pressure medication every day, I will call you after I take my pill to remind you to take yours.

I am sure the next day after you took your meds you felt really sorry about what you said and claimed you were quoted out of context (code words for out of meds). I think you should draft some kind of public apology to the family and all the other families who have lost children to child molesters and kidnappers-- that way we know you really didn't mean those words.

Otherwise you will forever be known as the commentator who thinks kidnappers and pedophiles are "parents" to their victims.

Read more about the kidnapping

Daddy Dearest?

My God Doesn't Talk To People, Have Children or Keep Harems

2007-01-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

God

(according to Broke Down Oprah)

Scientists are pretty sure billions of years ago the Universe was the size of a single atom which exploded to create the present Universe. They call this the Singularity.

See Big Bang

They sort of know what happened after the Singularity but not so much before. I believe if there is a God, He (the word He is being used as a convention not as a description) would be on the other side of that Singularity.

I also think this God would have better things to do than:

To stare over my shoulder watching every thing I do, judging me.

To run some big estate with hundreds of virgins waiting to play host (and pimp?) to suicide bombers.

To father children with illiterate poor Middle Eastern women in the days when humans were truly backward and superstitious, something which could get the poor lady killed.

To talk to intolerant and judgmental people and tell them of impending doom. I think if God did decide to speak to someone it would be someone intelligent, wise, and representative of all men.

Make up arbitrary commandments.

Make people sick or heal them.

Play dice, Einstein was right.

I believe God is beyond our knowledge or capacity to know.

Every time I read about science discovering something new about the Universe, something like mapping all the genes in the human body or the Human Genome Project, I think maybe we are getting too close to knowing all the secrets of life, then I smile to myself, because I know God is saying, "yeah, right".

We are so arrogant and so clever it must be amusing.

The only explanation that makes sense to me is that somehow we are born into this world to live and have experiences. Whatever those experiences are would be up to us. We are given tools and instincts to survive. I don't know anything more about it and cannot answer questions why some people are happy and lucky and some are more unfortunate. Maybe all will be revealed later.

I think there is a part of us that transcends our current level of awareness; and we can sometimes access that part of ourselves especially in times of danger, impending death, or mystical enlightenment; but that something is not God. I think we are supposed to spend our lives being the best we can be and enjoying this precious gift.

God didn't create us in his image but we sure as hell created Him. Whatever image God does project is not available to our pitiful little senses. We made God just like us only bigger, meaner and more powerful.

So why don't we admit we are just worshipping ourselves?

Technorati Profile

POTUS SCROTUS

2007-01-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

I have always thought of Presidents as figure heads, people who strut around being big shots, with a lot of pomp and circumstance, but who really didn't have much to do with my life on a day to day basis except in some vague way.

However, this particular President, Bush, has changed that view of them. He scares me and I worry about him starting a war with the wrong country, bankrupting our treasury or starting nuclear war. That would affect me in a very real and personal way.

The President can't be arrested in while in office, I didn't know that. If you visited the White House and went into the Oval office and the President killed you, he can just say that he was talking to you and you dropped dead. No one is going to question him, even if they were to do an autopsy and even if it looks as if you were murdered they still wouldn't do anything to the President.

Let's say the President were a serial killer and he does the exact same thing to three other visitors, they still wouldn't charge him with any crime, they just wouldn't let him be alone with anybody else while in the Oval office.

It must be intoxicating for someone to have that kind of power.

Most Presidents have been well educated, well meaning, well adjusted, and popular men; but I was surprised to learn how many didn't have any formal education, weren't elected, and were just plain bad.

Still my research did not turn up anyone worse than Bush.

So here are some of my thoughts about the Presidents.

The Best Presidents

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

I put him at number one because he turned the country around economically during the depression and was hated for it by the rich, even though economic prosperity helped them too, they just can't stand to see poor people have any kind of prosperity. They even tried to stage a military coup, it didn't work. Also he was the President during WWII, and he entered the war despite Isolationist sentiments which was a good thing with those crazy Nazis and that crazy Japanese emperor. We don't need emperors in the 20th century and that's what happens when you are an emperor you start to believe your own hype and bite off more than you can chew. Anyway I think FDR was the best President of all of them.

He came up with Social Security, higher taxes for the rich, more controls on banks and public utilities, work relief programs--all this and he had polio and spent many years confined to a wheelchair.

Theodore Roosevelt

I like Teddy Roosevelt because he was a kind of renaissance man. He did a lot of good for the country and he was pretty courageous. He was a conservationist and was pretty progressive or "liberal" for that time period. He was what a President should be, larger than life, powerful and inspirational. He wrote books, was a historian and was against big business as it related to hurting workers.

He won the Nobel Peace prize and he was a war hero.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I really like JFK because he was the first President I ever remember knowing. I don't remember Eisenhower at all, but when JFK entered the White House we, blacks and young people, were thrilled. I remember watching all of his news conferences, he was so charming and engaging. We all felt hope for the future. He was also a war hero and very intelligent. We thought the Kennedys were so fascinating and as much as we liked JFK we really loved RFK. If JFK were not assassinated America might be a very different place as he probably would have accomplished much in the way of progressive policies.

The Best looking Presidents
(based on their younger photos)

George Walker Bush--Though now he looks like a combination of an old chimp and an old lizard, when he was young, W, was quite handsome. I still don't like him but I think he is the best looking young president, I think Warren G Harding is the best looking old President.

Kennedy--I know most of you think he should be number one, but I could not find any really good young pictures of him. He was cute when he was young, but I think Bush was better looking. Kennedy did age better though, before he was cut down so early in life.

Franklin Pierce--This would seem to be an odd choice. The reason I chose him is that he looks pretty good in his portrait. If you have ever been to a museum or have seen portraits of people in the 16th, 17th, or 18th centuries they all look sad, serious, pasty, dyspeptic, inbred and just downright unagreeable. I figure if one of them actually looks good on a painting, then that individual must have been extraordinarily handome or beautiful in real life. So I think Mr Pierce deserves his place at number three.

The Least Attractive Presidents

Abraham Lincoln (see picture)

John Tyler (See Picture)

Lyndon Baines Johnson (See Picture)

The Worst Presidents
George W. Bush

This needs no explanation. But if this site is around a hundred years from now you may want to know why.

Iraq War--started a preemptive war based on false evidence and part of a ideological plan by Neoconservatives.

Sent thousands of men and women to war and death but didn't serve himself, opting for a deferment instead

Hurricaine Katrina--After Hurricaine devasted most of New Orleans let the citizens who were mostly poor and black suffer several days of no food, no water, no sanitation, no security resulting in the destruction of that city, while simultaneously telling the head of FEMA, the agency that was supposed to help the victims of the disaster, that he was doing a fine job.

Inarticulateness--Inability to speak english in an intelligent manner when making speeches and being interviewed. Makes up words that don't exist in English.

Stole election--Al Gore should have won in 2000, but with the help of the Supreme Court and others, stole the Presidency from him.

Attempted to systematically destroy the rights of Americans under the guise of fighting against terrorism.

It is difficult to say now but his actions may cause widescale war and destruction throughout the entire Middle East and ruin our economy.

Andrew Johnson
Had no formal education and was a taylor (great if I want a suit made)
Was very ineffective during the Reconstruction
He suffered from the same sort of indecisiveness and lack of action as Buchanan
He was impeached.
If he showed more leadership maybe the aftermath of slavery would have been different and hence the future generations would have had better lives.

James Buchanan
Ineffectiveness as a President led to the Civil War, and though it may have been inevitable, he was indecisive and left the mess for his successor Abraham Lincoln.

If you cannot lead and cannot make decisions you don't need to be President.

Besides I just don't like the way he looks, kind of shifty.

The Black Presidents?

There is speculation that five of our Presidents were black:

Warren G.Harding

Abraham Lincoln

Thomas Jefferson

Calvin Coolidge

Andrew Jackson

Harding was one of the worst Presidents ever, he didn't make the top three worst but he was definitely number four. Black people have enough challenges with adopting this idiot.

Jefferson was extremely racist, he described his slaves as smelly subhumans but that didn't stop him from partaking of a few. It's hard to smell good when you have spent all day picking cotton in the hot deep south, its much easier when you are all perfumed up and sitting writing documents and building nations. So if he were part black he was really disturbed. He is our most celebrated founding father because he wrote the Declaration of Independence, so he was probably good for the country in the formative years, but he wasn't good for black people and we don't need him. But he is on the $2 bill any President on money can't be all bad. Its not that he was a bad President, just my personal second least favorite, you know who my least favorite is.

I think if we blacks feel compelled to usurp white Presidents into our race then we should pick people like Clinton, Teddy Roosevelt, Carter and John Quincy Adams.

These five listed above took great pains and went to great lenghts to be white, so let them stay that way.

check out this link for more info on this theory

More info on Presidents

What are the qualifications to become President?

Section 1 of Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution states that a President must:

be a natural born citizen of the united States
be at least 35 years old
have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years

In addition, the 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states that a President may not serve more than 2 terms of 4 years each, even if they have only served as President for 2 or more years of one of those terms.

link for Presidential Requirements

That's it?

Any idiot can become President.

I think the requirements should be:

Natural Born citizen over 35 years old
Have lived most of your life in America not just 14 years
Have served at least two years in the military or Peace Corps, Americorps or some kind of service to your country in which leadership skills can be documented
A psychological and psychiatric evaluation
A college degree
Be able to pass an American and Global history test
able to speak a foreign language

Let's Google Some Black People

2007-01-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

When you do a Google search for "black people" there are 771,000,000 entries per the search engine. When you choose the I'm feeling lucky box you get the site

black people love us.

That's nice.

The other day, I was watching a segment on MSNBC about the best place to work in America and guess where that was? Right, it was Google. They had chefs preparing lots of different mouth watering entrees for the staff, totally free. There were free massages in quiet dark rooms, for free. You could bring your dog to work. There was a free gym, you could get $5000 to purchase a hybrid vehicle and the list just went on and on. The employees there loved it. They were so loyal to Google and their jobs they thought nothing of pulling an all-nighter, all for the good of the company. They were happy and fulfilled, sublimely more lucky than the rest of us who have to work for paranoid cheap employers who expect us to know computers, have emotionally stable personalities, be superior customer service providers, be skilled and educated, and be happy to be paid $12 per hour. They give us closets for break rooms, and forget about a place to rest when you have a headache, let alone get a massage. Massages? Have you lost your mind? That's a good one.

Yes I have to admit I was envious of those happy young beautiful faces. Google gets a million applications a year which makes sense, since they have absolutely no competition anywhere in the world of work.

But one thing I noticed that didn't sit too well with me was the fact that there appears to be not one single solitary black person working there. The MSNBC news segment lasted several minutes and showed hundreds maybe thousands of employees and not one was black. There weren't any old people either, but that was understandable since old people don't know anything about technology, they are sort of hard on the eyes and the billionaire owners want their employees to be happy. There were plenty of white people and the new white people (Asians); but no black people. I don't know if there were any Hispanics either, but I will have to let a Hispanic blogger deal with that issue.

I was racking my brain trying to come up with an explanation for this. Maybe there are black people working there but they just were not shown. That seems kind of odd. If you were one of the most famous corporations in the world, being profiled by a major news outlet and you only had a few black people there; wouldn't you want to show them? Wouldn't you make sure they were in at least a few shots? I didn't see any black people.

Maybe this was filmed last year on Martin Luther King's Birthday or one of the days of Kwanza and all the black people just didn't happen to be there on that day.

Maybe your corporate offices are not on a bus line and it is hard for black folks to get there.

Maybe you received a threat from some white supremacist group that they will come and kill all of your black employees on the same day MSNBC showed up, just a coincidence really.

Maybe you have lots of black people they just all happen to be light skinned and/or biracial so they weren't noticeable in the wide angle shots of the employees.

Maybe all the black people were in the bathroom during the filming or getting one of those free massages.

Maybe there were plenty of shots of black employees but when the film was edited they just happened to be edited out.

There has to be some kind of logical explanation, otherwise it appears that Google, one of the richest corporations in America and without a doubt the best place to work, does not have any black people working there-- and don't have any problem with the rest of the world knowing it?

So to sum up Google has 771,000,000 black people on Google but none at Google?

Google, if you indeed have black people working there I would love to see a picture of the them, because they didn't make it to the NBC broadcast. I would love to be proved wrong and I will admit as much and show the pictures.

Black people want the good life just like everybody else and we want to work for the best employer in the world, too.

I will let the AARP deal with the lack of old people.

Fake Google Logos, Google Logo Images, Google Logo Pictures by Google

I just don't get the Donald

2007-01-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

Its time for BDO to weigh in on the Rosie/Donald feud. I will try to be objective but its hard because I consider Trump to be down there with Bush, President Bashir of Sudan, and Paris Hilton.

He has signed himself up on every talk show he can find and takes delight in bashing Rosie, her ugliness, her fatness, her degenerateness ( I don't get that, unless he thinks gays are degenerate). I have never heard any celebrity bash another celebrity so ruthlessly. He has shown not the slightest bit of restraint. His rants are so difficult to watch they are almost pornographic. And why? Because Rosie had the audacity to disagree with his decision to let Miss USA keep her crown despite some questionable behavior on her part.

He says that Rosie is wrong and that firing Miss USA would ruin her career.

Vanessa Williams was fired from Miss America for questionable behavior and went on to have hit records, a brief movie career, a popular TV show, and is probably the most successful Miss America ever. It didn't hurt her career. I agree with Rosie, you can't be one of the Girls Gone Wild stars and Miss USA. Well, you can now because anything goes in Show Business. I even heard the Miss USA is contemplating a Playboy shoot when she gets out of Rehab.

Anyway Rosie didn't deserve his wrath for expressing her opinion. But she got it. I have issues sometimes with Rosie, she is very opinionated and loud, and she and Elton John need to get some fat, gay, middle aged anger management therapy, but I think she is funny and at least does provide some value to humanity. I don't see the value of the Donald, so I have decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. Open up Donald.

Donald Trump, I find you particularly irritating because to me you represents what is wrong with Corporate America. Corporate America started out good in this country. They took the Industrial Revolution and moved our country forward with conveniences and technology. This led to wealth, opportunity and the top spot of the world food chain. Then something happened. They stopped making things of value. They outsourced that to smart but poorer countries, and decided to make stuff of limited value or empty value; and muck with our minds in the process.

It's like we received a beautiful Present one day. The Box was big and shiny with gold and silver wrapping paper, beautiful ribbons of all colors of the rainbow streaming down in ringlets. We carefully opened the Box taking care not to destroy the beautiful wrapping, saw the beautiful pastel tissues encrusted with glitter and when we reached inside we could find nothing in the Box. We asked where is the present, and were told that the Box is the Present. We should take the beautiful Box and display it prominently in our homes, make it a conversation piece. Most of the rich and famous have One. We should take It to work and show everybody our beautiful new Present Box so our coworkers would be envious of us, like when our boyfriends and husbands send flowers to our workplace, but this is way better than any dead lame flowers. We could also give It to our children to take to show and tell, with their solemn promise not to damage It, which will surely make them the most popular kids at school.

To me, Donald, are the king of the new Corporate America. A whole lotta hoopla, doodads and yapping about a box that is empty. But...Donald,you believe you are the Present that is in that Empty Box. You think you are handsome and sexy. And we all know you are primarily promoting yourself and your lame show. You have branded yourself and you want your name to be mentioned as much as possible which translates into more wealth for you.

But you go on and on ranting about how ugly and fat Rosie is; and how her girlfriend is only with her because of her money; and how hard it must be for her girlfriend to even be with that ugly fat pig....

Donald, dude, do you even have any mirrors in that gold electroplated mausoleum you live in?

And that wife of yours, Malaria, I wonder what kind of cocktail of drugs she would have to be on to be around you and sleep with you every night.

I am a post menopausal, overweight baby boomer and I wouldn't sleep with you.

Well, I would sleep with you under the following conditions: First I would have to be on Rohipnol and Ecstasy, several Valiums, and a fifth of Vodka. I would have to have a signed agreement from you that no one, and I mean no one,-- not even myself, would ever find out and I would have to receive check for two million dollars. You would have to agree to say nothing-- no words, no utterances during "it" --just like a Scientology birth. Shhhh, no talking whatsoever. In other words I would have to be dead. The check would have to go to my heirs.

Why would I need all of that?

Donald, your face looks like a droopy white blotchy ass with a flaming red sneering hemorrhoid protruding from it, with eyes drawn on each cheek and a fake nose stuck in the crack, topped off with a nasty looking red toupee. When you talk I want to shrink myself to the size of ant crawl into my ear and smash my hearing mechanism and then enter my ear nerve go into the brain that stores the memories of you and damage those cells as well. When I see you I want to find the switch that controls my retina and turn it off.

Why do you talk like that anyway? You talk like you are in a wind tunnel and someone is feeding you cue cards one word at a time. That would be ok if you had something intelligent, witty or interesting to say, but you don't-- ever.

In the promo of the Apprentice, when you are leaving your private jet with that "Money" song piping in the background, you are walking with your hand touching your chest like Napoleon, I can just tell you think you are so hot, so sexy, so powerful. I keep dreaming that they would reshoot that promo, but right when you get off that last step, someone would put a banana peel there and you would trip and fall on your face and your hair would start flying in all different directions. I love that image.

What you consider hot, sexy and powerful I consider buffoon like.

So when I think Trump I think buffoon--not value, not wealth, not real estate, not bottled water, not cologne, not Miss USA, not casinos-- just a big red headed butt faced buffoon.

You don't live in a dysfunctional family?

2007-01-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

PAYDAY LOANS

Really, Let's take a look at one. This is a family of seven. The mother and father both work to pay for their overvalued home in their upscale gated community. The father is a police officer who is assigned to poor minority neighborhoods. The mother is a social worker who is also assigned to poor neighborhoods. They have two children who are multimillionaires. They earned their money from the stock market and other money related activities the parents don't understand. They don't pay rent or contribute to the household income even though they tell the parents how to run the house and how to enforce the rules.

They have two more children who are homeless. They became addicted to drugs and online gaming and cannot keep a job so their millionaire siblings made them leave since they cannot contribute to the household. The parents feel sorry for their unfortunate offspring and let them come to the back door of the kitchen to get leftovers and sometimes slip them a couple of bucks.

They have one more kid who is very tough and kind of dangerous. He is always starting fights with other dangerous types and he has many kinds of weapons in his locked room. He comes home all hours of the night and doesn‘t explain his whereabouts or activities to anybody. The millionaires lets him stay there because they feel safe with his presence and they are sort of afraid of him. He also has demands that have to be met by the parents and doesn’t contribute any money to the household.

Mom and dad are so stretched trying to make ends meet that they have to start getting payday loans. The millionaires don't pay any rent because they feel that they made their money and they shouldn't have to give any to their parents. The scary kid doesn’t pay any money because he is contributing safety and security to the household and that's worth more than money. The parents don't complain because they have millionaires living in their house of whom they brag to all their friends. They don’t mention the scary son so much but they feel safer that he is around, especially whenever the homeless kids want to stay around and cause trouble.

Also the millionaires give them lots of good money advice, except that after supporting them, the gun toting son, the overvalued house in the upscale gated community they don't have enough money left over to meet basic expenses. They get four payday loans a month. Two from the Chinese owned payday loan place and one from the Arab owned payday loan place. Sometimes they barely make the payments and sometimes they have to reloan in order to make it to the next week.

The gun packing son wants to install more security and he wants more guns that he insists the parents buy. Mom and dad can't afford it but they can't say no either. What if something were to happen, what if they got robbed?

You say this is ridiculous there is no family on earth like this.

Really?

What about the United State of America?

What?

Mmmm?

Oh..... Ok.